im 19 years old. i think ive been an insomniac, full of anxiety, and depressed before i even knew what it was.Growing up i didnt really have a rough childhood my parents made sure we were fed,clothed and had a roof over our heads. Wasnt always the best tasting food or the nicest clothes but they worked hard for us. Only problem was that they fought alot. Only memories from my childhood that stand out to me is me and my sister trying to break up my parents fights because they used to get real bad. I used to go to school just traumatized after a night of yelling, screaming, and just things a young kid shouldnt have to ever go though. my grades spiked and that shot down my confidence so much. i became very socially akward and lets just say that i never failed to embarass myself. Never intentionally but i always seemed to make things worse. fast forward a couple of years and still the same person. Ive just piled on alot more anger, stress, and started truckin down a road of alcohol and drugs. At this point i have dropped out of school, grown apart from my family (seeing how there is no communication with us at all, just the ocasional hi hello and byes. and now i was in a really depressive stage in my life. People have always told me that i am a handsome young man and i could have any girl i wanted but ive never seen myself in that context.
Ive only been with maybe 4 or 5 girls and only 1 of those girls have truly found a spot in my heart. shes was my greatest joy but now she has become my greatest sorrow. I dont blame anybody but myself for her leaving me but i wish she understood where i was coming from. ill admit i wasnt the best boyfriend in the world and all i needed was some growing up to do but she wouldnt listen.
Sincehen she has found another guy, had his kid, got married and moved in together. That was very devastating to me. I went out drinking and using all the drugs i could get my hands on. These past couple of months have been a blur to me. Ive recently enlisted into the Army National Guard but now its uncertain because 2 nights ago i got a DUI, MIC, and driving without a liscense. I have no clue whats going to happen next. My parents have been my biggest supporters.They really want me to join the Guard but id hate to break their hearts and tell them im not going anymore because of a DUI. im just drowing in my own sorrow and dont know where to turn. The girl i love still talks to me from time to time but we both came to a conclusion that we could never be together. Im just so lost. People always tell me to cheer up and move on. They always say your good looking and i should take advantage of it but they would never understand. I would trade my looks and all my other blessings just to be happy.