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Posted by anonymous at October 16, 2010
Tags: Juvenile problems  2010 October  School  Sexuality

Before I begin, let me give you a quick back-up story to how it all started:

7th grade. Fucking hell. My parents are teachers and they made me study like crazy so I could get into a good school. I went through all of that miserably and now I'm in the second best school in my town. Before 8th grade though comes summer. I had a fucking blast during the summer. I got a job offer to work online as a technical writer and I accepted. I was earning my own money and I was able to spend 20 bucks a day without even caring... It seemed like I'm in heaven.


But then the summer ended.
School started so I had to quit my job since I knew I wouldn't have time for it. Everything suddenly came crashing down. My new school is incredibly tough and my parents make me study even more. My free time has been minimized to almost nothing. Hell, just the other day me and my friends were thinking of playing online during the weekend but my dad screamed and said that I have to study! It feels like a trap all the time. On top of all I always feel disconnected from everyone else at my new school. Sure, I do have a few friends, but nobody seems to share my interests and I feel I can't adapt to all the sudden changes.

And it gets worse - I am gay. I have told this to only two of my best friends and I fear of telling it to anyone else. So while my friends are not paying attention in class and looking at that girl's big boobs, I am stuck with looking at the hot muscular boy on the desk next to me... Sometimes I feel embarrassed and can't bare myself.

And it just keeps getting worse - I'm not pretty at all... In fact I'm quite fat and ugly, but yeah - what else can you get from sitting all day long at home studying and eating junkfood just to try and ignore how miserable you are...

Sometimes I cry when I listen to songs which have lyrics similar to my life at the moment:
"I've become so numb, all I want to do is be more like ME, and be less like YOU..."
"I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter..."

Yes, that's linkin park. And the fact that I'm listening to metal probably even makes me a bit emo. My life is ruined and every second more pain goes through my body and heart... I don't know how long I can keep this up.


Similar Entries:
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itll be alright February 11, 2010

New Comment

By anonymous at 20,Oct,10 12:30

Ur young. It'll get better. I see 2 things u have going 4 u already: 1. u know u r gay at such a young age - or rather u can admit it 2 urself, & 2) u have 2 friends u r close enough to 2 tell. That is awesome 4 a 13y/o boy. learn 2 eat healthier food, go out 4 a walk, and find some gay friends. By the time ur 18 u'll have new problems and these will b forgotten.
By anonymous at 21,Oct,10 11:09

yeah, I guess... i do have happy moments in my life too but they seem to last for seconds when it happens and then i just get back to how suck-ass everything is... :(

By at 25,Nov,10 11:56

A gay emo.Thats something new.Theres nothing for you to be ashamed of,your looks are fine (who cares if you are chubby?),you listen to metal BUT get rid of gayness.If you become a bigtime star or a singer or something in that line,then being gay won't be much of a problem.Get a girlfriend,have sex (when you are 18 and older) and hang out with girls.Try avoiding men,especially jocks,in most of the cases they are the mascular men you are looking at.

By anonymous at 12,Dec,10 00:37

Who cares if you're gay!! Just stay in school and stay focused, and when you get older, all of that studying will pay off and you'll be one rich gay dude with all the guys and money and clothes you can handle!

One thing though, is I would seriously tell my parents. You shouldn't have to
hide. Don't be afraid. Besides, it's not like you are confessing to them that you
are a goddamn serial killer or something horrible like that. You're gay. Who cares! No one cares nowadays, except for the closeted homophobes! Everything is going be fine!!
By anonymous at 14,Dec,10 14:46

thanks for your comment!
I could confess one day, but I can't just do it when I want to. I wanted to tell my friends I'm gay many times because I just thought I'd let them know, but it never happened because of my will. It happened.... completely random. It's like one day I just told it to my friend outta nothing and the funniest part is we really talked about it for like 2 days or so and then he just took it for granted... Maybe you're right tho, I will try telling them.

By link building team at 15,Oct,13 18:42

BDQLIe Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post.

New Comment