Before I begin, let me give you a quick back-up story to how it all started:
7th grade. Fucking hell. My parents are teachers and they made me study like crazy so I could get into a good school. I went through all of that miserably and now I'm in the second best school in my town. Before 8th grade though comes summer. I had a fucking blast during the summer. I got a job offer to work online as a technical writer and I accepted. I was earning my own money and I was able to spend 20 bucks a day without even caring... It seemed like I'm in heaven.
But then the summer ended.
School started so I had to quit my job since I knew I wouldn't have time for it. Everything suddenly came crashing down. My new school is incredibly tough and my parents make me study even more. My free time has been minimized to almost nothing. Hell, just the other day me and my friends were thinking of playing online during the weekend but my dad screamed and said that I have to study! It feels like a trap all the time. On top of all I always feel disconnected from everyone else at my new school. Sure, I do have a few friends, but nobody seems to share my interests and I feel I can't adapt to all the sudden changes.
And it gets worse - I am gay. I have told this to only two of my best friends and I fear of telling it to anyone else. So while my friends are not paying attention in class and looking at that girl's big boobs, I am stuck with looking at the hot muscular boy on the desk next to me... Sometimes I feel embarrassed and can't bare myself.
And it just keeps getting worse - I'm not pretty at all... In fact I'm quite fat and ugly, but yeah - what else can you get from sitting all day long at home studying and eating junkfood just to try and ignore how miserable you are...
Sometimes I cry when I listen to songs which have lyrics similar to my life at the moment:
"I've become so numb, all I want to do is be more like ME, and be less like YOU..."
"I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter..."
Yes, that's linkin park. And the fact that I'm listening to metal probably even makes me a bit emo. My life is ruined and every second more pain goes through my body and heart... I don't know how long I can keep this up.