LIFE SUCKS

It's all downhill from here

I've read some of the stories on here and my life definitely doesn't suck ass as much as a lot of these people, I'm still on here bitching about my life. This is pathetic, but so am I so who gives a fuck.

It's not that something really traumatic has happened to me. I've not been severely wronged in any way. I've had my share of bad things and live with some fucked up memories, but nothing way out of hand. It's just that I don't got 'it'.

I was born into a successful family. My friends are successful. My brother is successful. Me...I'm dumb. I'm useless. I'm 36, right when it's supposed to happen. I'm single and work white collar jobs, but I have no money. Everything I have was given to me because I'm too stupid to succeed in the jobs that I've had. And I've had many because once it becomes apparent to my employers that I'm incompetent I'm cut. Also, I know that I'm too dumb to make a living the traditional way, so I chase get rich quick schemes. I've tried multi-level marketing which not only was dumb, but turned me into a deceptive scum bag as well. Trying to push a pyramid scheme on to the few friends that I had only cost me these friends, in addition to the few thousand dollars I wasted on a dishonest plot to 'retire early' in hopes of escaping having to work. Yea right.

Because I'm dumb and I know it I carry myself that way and give off that energy. Hence, women are definitely not attracted to me (except the fat ones who would date anyone who looked their way). So, I'm perpetually single. I'll occasionally wake up with a huge hangover laying next to a whale and hate myself for a week. Other than that, I watch porn to get my share of intimacy. I haven't touched an attractive girl in years. I'm not getting any younger and neither are the girls I can date. Soon enough I'll be in my mid-40's and won't be attracted to the women I can date anymore. I truly will be single and lonely for the rest of my life.

Also, I'm a doper. I've been a drug addict for years. I'm not the guy behind the dumpster sticking a needle in his arm, but I do have a nasty little habit and it's not going to go away. I've tried the 12 step programs, but even with these programs which are supposed to be the most successful programs out there, statistics say that only 10% will never use again. I know I'm not going to be in that 10%, so why try to stop? It's the only damn thing that makes me feel good anymore, even if it has turned me into a lying, cheating scumbag.

So, in hopes of finding some meaning in my life I've turned to Christianity. I've been on this path for a couple of years now...and nothing's changed. Being a Christian will not make me smarter, more attractive or sober. Christianity states that 'God and Jesus love you'. God and Jesus may love some people, but not me. IMHO God has fun with people. He made the world and people so complex and different that success is a random walk and failure is the norm. God has fun watching me stumble around and make mistakes. It's like watching the Three Stooges for him. I'd have fun with it too. Makes sense, doesn't it?

So I'm off to a job interview in a few hours. I may get the job. I may not. Either way, it's just another way to support my meager life so I can get up in the morning and do it over for another 30 or so years. Then I'll die not too later after that and my soul will be sent to hell because 'I didn't love God' while I was here on earth. Fine. Maybe I'll get shown some mercy and get hit by a bus while crossing the street today and just get it over with already.