I was molested as a kid, I've been physically and mentally abused my whole life even witnessed my mother getting abused as a little kid. I'm 24 years old living in a shitty ass rooming house that has roaches. If I didn't get disability I would be homeless. My father is an asshole who was never there for me financially, my mothers boyfriend was physically and mentally abusive, mother didn't give a shit she put him over me. I live alone with no friends but I do have associates. I can't find a girlfriend the girls I do meet are fuckin treacherous and pathetic and never seem to work out. I spend my days smoking weed and newports, which I'm trying to quit but it's hard as fuck. My family is dysfunctional as hell. They try to help out but they wind up being useless & worthless and nothing EVER goes my way. Society won't give me a chance and I feel trapped and lost. I pray to God but it seems he just watches and lets me suffer day n and day out. It's freezing cold in my room and the land lord will not get his rent until he gets me a heater. I've told him to get me one he said he would but he keeps bullshitting and he has millions, a fuckin rich slumlord. I have small ass refridgerator that doesn't freeze anything so I can't really cook anything, I have to cook noodles and eat out mostly. I'm going back to school in January so I can give my life some type of meaning, but theres nothing worst then this cursed ass hopeless life. I've seen miracles in my life but it seems right now I'm shit out of luck. I wonder why I'm even alive. I think about death all the time. If I wasn't such a coward I would end my life but then I would spend eternity in hell. I feel that God hates me so much it's not even funny. I been in and out of the psychiatric hospital. I have trouble sleeping most of the time. It's just a damn shame.