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Posted by anonymous at December 7, 2010
Tags: Attitude  2010 December  Loneliness  Sexuality

Everyday i wake up with my skeletal body making an attempt to finish my day. I'm a college freshman & i hate my life. My entire life, I've been a loner. Once 6th grade started, I became extremely shy and only at the end of high school, did i finally achieve something sort of making an attempt to be social. I have no self-confidence & I'm a guy. It doesn't help that I'm gay, though I consider myself to be homoromantic.
Every passing day feels like a compressed pressure I constantly keep bottled up inside of me. I'm mixed/asain/pacific island, 18, 5'10'' and 140 lbs. Everyday, i feel like I'm slowly fading into the darkness. I'm slowly losing my grip on reality and it scares me to death. I've never been in a relationship, let alone even kissed someone. I have no friends & the 3 i had, they all arn't here for me anymore.
My best friend I ever made in high school has similar issues with me. In the 11thgrade, we were best of friends. But somewhere in my depression, I hit her twice. Her nose bled & i got suspended for a week.We still went to prom after and since then, we've never been as great as friends though we still are. She found a boyfriend and I slowly became friends with her them. We all did drugs together and alcohol.
My other friend, he moved to another island. He's my closest male friend. It sickens me to my stomach that i ditched him last minute for the college he's at now because i got nervous.
My other female friend, she moved to Seattle. All three of my closest friends are never around me. In college, I only go to classes and find myself in solitude most of the day. I don't know what to do and am not sure how much longer i can handle this. I don't have the motivation much longer to continue. Fucking loathe my life & just want to become a shadow already. What's the purpose of me even trying anymore.


Similar Entries:
untitled story January 3, 2012
Life Sucks October 29, 2010
painfully alone March 6, 2012
Misery has no company April 7, 2012
not sure October 27, 2011

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By anonymous at 25,Dec,10 21:53

What is a homoromantic? I have never heard this term before and don't know it's equivalent in the straight world, the bi-world, or the transgendered world. College sucks anyway. Don't you feel like it's glorified highschool? College is the age when all of your best friends start to pair off and disappear to parts unknown. It happened to me and I became very depressed. You almost have to start reaching out to create new friends because everyone is so busy 'finding themselves.' Don't beat yourself up, none of knows for sure what decision is right, or even how long we may remain friends with the same people.

By at 26,Dec,10 02:13

yeah that was kinda homo erotic alright, but if you read this "life sucks" guy , I want to tell you that it gets better with age, and you are in total control of your destiny. Frame of mind and moode is catchy like a virus. No one wants ur virus of a moode so change it. People want to be around and are attracted to happy people, and confident souls. You have the power to attract many friends and people, you just need to pick your head up off the floor and stop draging your tail, put on a big smale think and act positive, and you will see. People will suddenly want to know you.
As for your man crushes thats a large part of your problem. If you like and are atracted to the same sex theres nothing wrong with that. But for god sakes come out of the closet a little and start telling people how you feel, or at least those or one person you can trust. That is a heavy burdon and enough to depress anyone. To thine own self be true. I hope you read this and it helps you get by.

By anonymous at 26,Dec,10 22:22

Quit making fun of loners. I have been a loner all my life and I enjoy it. I have had adventures that "social" people never can even dream of because I do what I want and whenever I want to do it.
As for you desire for other men, you are on your own for that. If you really adopt that lifestyle, go for it and go where there are others who feel the same as you do.

By anonymous at 29,Dec,10 05:22

Dude drugs are not a good idea man. I can tell you from experience. Also, I don't think homosexuality is real. I think it is a man made thing for guys who think it feels good to have things go in their butts. I could be wrong, of course.

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