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POOR AND ALONE WITH NO HOPE IN SIGHT

Posted by Nashon at November 19, 2009
Tags: Independent circumstances  Family  Health  November 2009  Poverty

Hi, my name is Nashon and my life sucks. Let's start from the beginning. I live in corrupt third world country in east Africa called Kenya. It's the only home I know. I'm the second child in a family of 5 children and the only son. My father died from respiratory failure when I was 11 or 12yrs old. He was an alcoholic and a chain smoker. I remember he once stole money from my mom's purse just to go drinking. My youngest sister was only 2yrs old when he died. My mom raised us pretty much on her own. She tried her best but when I was 16yrs old, she lost her job. We don't have unemployment benefits or food stamps in Kenya. We almost starved to death with no income. High school education isn't free either so my mom had to struggle really hard to put me and my sisters through high school with no help from our relatives. Right after I finished high school my mom had to sell the 3 bedroomed house we lived in just to keep us fed. We all moved into a little 2 bedroomed unfinished house with no plaster on the walls, no floor, no electricity and no windows. It was ever cold, dark and the wind blew right through. At least we had running water which we had to connect illegally although that mean't we had to watch out everyday for the council water guys. I think I did good in school. I was a B- student but it wasn't good enough for me to earn a scholarship and my mom couldn't afford to put me through college. My elder sister got lucky and got a job at a printing factory and at that point her tiny salary would keep us running. I used to think one day things would get better and I would earn a good degree and lift my family out of poverty and forget the past. I had dreams of studying in America. What african boy wouldn't? So I went ahead and applied for a bachelors of science degree in Computer Information Systems in Business Administration at Bellevue International University in Nebraska. And I got accepted! I cried my heart out for a full week when I realised it wouldn't happen because we were poor. Three months after that my mom got really sick and died after spending a week in the hospital. I was 21yrs old then. It has been 3yrs since. I now live alone in a remote town away from my sisters where I have a small job. I get paid about U$180 a month. What the fuck can you do with 180 dollars a month? I seem unable to get a better job because I have no college education. I've tried applying for better jobs unsuccessfully. My salary isn't obviously enough to put me through college. On top of that I grew around girls with no father figure so I have low self esteem and zero social skills. I think I'm not aggressive enough to be where I want to be. I blame myself for that. I don't know what I can do about it. I've never even had a real girlfriend. I'm fairly good looking and of good character but which girl would be crazy enough to go out with this poor african? Excuse me. Did I say, go out? I can't even afford to 'go out'. I have no real friends. I gave up going to church. I don't pray anymore. I often wish my live never happened. I began smoking a few months ago. Maybe I'll die from smoking like my dad. Like father like son. I'm tired of living in this country. I feel like I was born in the wrong part of the world. I have no direction in life. I can't save even a single coin. I can't get a loan from any bank. Three years after I was orphaned and I still miss my mom. We grew really close through all those hardships. I miss her alot. I dream about her often. I dream about her being alive, healthy and living a good life with us. I don't want to get close to anyone because I fear losing them like I lost my mom. I feel left out by people I used to call my friends because they seem to be doing fine, going to college and making a bright future for themselves. I feel left out like God has forgetten about me. Like I'm one of his failed experiments. If you think your life sucks, think again.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Nov,09 07:49

Wow. Respect. I really can't say anything, it would sound too hypocritical, I've never been in such a situation like yours. I feel really sorry for you. I hope you still have the energy to keep on trying and live a meaningful life. But who am I to say things like that?
By Nashon at 20,Nov,09 12:46

Yeah, and I come on this site to find people complaining about how their lives suck because they broke up with someone or their truck broke down and they can't afford to fix it. They are lucky to have owned a truck in the first place. Feel me?
By anonymous at 21,Nov,09 06:47

fuck you nashon there are other people worser off than you at least you have a job some people can't even afford food you stupid nigerian twat
By at 23,Nov,09 14:03

I think you are a really SAD SAD human being. Why on earth would you make someone feel bad then they are already feelng? his famliy went through a tough time and if your heart is unable to show compassion, put a lid on it and pass his story and move on to someone else. clearly YOUR mother didnt do a good job of raising you right.
By anonymous at 04,Nov,10 22:36 Fold Up

You are just plain stupid, and if you have nothing better to say, then shut up!
By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 07:02 Fold Up

Fuck you you racist piece of shit, what are you doing on this site anyway?
I feel you Nashon, hope things work out for you..
By anonymous at 15,May,12 02:13

Oh shit we got the race police over here! HERP DERP everyone locate their nearest black friend.
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:51 Fold Up

You should write a book and start a website, work with what you have got
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:52 Fold Up

Write, Write, Write
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:52 Fold Up

Write a novel and try to sell it
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:52 Fold Up

Become a salesman
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:53

Use your sob story to capture the emotion of other people and then sell them
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:55 Fold Up

Become a motivational speaker and sell tickets, start contacting companies all over the world tell them your story and look for a job. They will respect you for trying and will want to help.
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:56 Fold Up

Do not give up, don't be a quitter


By Nashon at 23,Nov,09 16:03

Thanks Darian! I just had no words for Mr. Anonymous' insults. @ the other anonymous asking how come I have internet? I don't. For a few coins I can browse the internet at the local cyber village kiosk. Lol
By at 03,Dec,09 18:17

Welcome :)
By anonymous at 01,Jun,10 13:30 Fold Up

and i thought my life sucked.
anyway
hey,try india for college education,here its much cheaper,madras university has got some reservation for foreign students and you could always try scholarships..(you might have trouble with racism though)
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:57 Fold Up

use your coins wisely to search for jobs and oppertunities, educate yourself


By anonymous at 30,Nov,09 04:25

I think you should still try and go to church and pray.
By anonymous at 01,Jun,10 13:20

and GOD is gonna come down and migrate him to america
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 12:56 Fold Up

yeh I agree, in fact I bet if everyone in the world went to church and prayed then everything would....


be exactly the same as it is....

but lets go and give money to the church, those pedophiles need to pay lawyers to handle those charges against them. At least God forgave them though.
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:58 Fold Up

You have to pay to go to church its a waste of money, you may find peace but church won't get you health insurance. Keep working. You can do it


By at 30,Nov,09 07:33

"If you think your life sucks, think again"
how fucking pretentious can you get?
This whole website is fucked. "vote if there life is bad or not that bad" thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
If your life is shit, find other ways to deal with it rather than posting your life story to get fake sympathy comments.
FUCK
this world pisses me off
By anonymous at 01,Dec,09 06:37

u piece of shit... if it bothers u so much whu u re coming here and read the stories and the comments u stupid thing??? grow up... leave the ppl alone... I wont even bother to explain what the sympathy of the others means fo some ppl...
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 12:59 Fold Up

yeh your an idiot and if the world pisses you off so much then leave it then you wouldnt have to worry about being pissed off anymore.

In fact you wouldnt have anything to worry about at all.
By anonymous at 22,Mar,12 21:58 Fold Up

Go to another website then, whats your problem


By anonymous at 05,Dec,09 00:27

one of the worst parts of life is that no matter what we do or write, we can't change how much life sucks. but our suffering will be far outweighed by the glory in heaven.
By anonymous at 10,Dec,09 22:45

very true!! :)
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 13:02

yup you guys got that right, I personally cant wait til the day when I get to float up on a cloud and get to the gates and st. peter greets me and we all get to sing songs and be happy with all my extended family who is on the cloud with me, seated at the right hand of the father. And I dont even mind that there will be murderers, rapists, and child molesters there either since I know they have been saved and asked for forgiveness.....

Should I keep going or is that enough........

Fucking religious nuts.


By at 15,Jul,10 01:30

I hear you. I have been depressed my entire life. I have always been alone,poor,and so on. Im so far in dept from struggling with lack of income or no income at all. My dad is a drunk. I have serious health problems that i cant treat because i dont have health insurance. Women hate me because they dont like me for who i am which is poor. If i am with a girl it turns out that she is only useing me to get back at some other guy. Im 36 years old. If anyone ever tells you that things will get better they are full of shit. It dont work that way. After you die you will be at peace and that is the bright of things. Your not alone in this world. Its not you thats the problem. Its all the hate,dishonesty,and greed from mankind as a whole that continues to grow more and more evil as the world ages in years. Just try to hang in there and do the best you can even though it seems pointless. Thats what i do. Dont ask god for help. Me and you both feel like we are just some of gods experiments that went wrong that god simply choose to forget about. We are the lemons of god or god was on crack when he made a lot of people.
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 13:20

yeh nothing ever gets better thats for sure, when every day gets to be the same life sure starts to suck.


By anonymous at 04,Nov,10 22:54

Hey Nashon, i am Kenyan, and i can relate to some of what you have written. I couldn't help but cry as i read through. I share some of the troubles you have gone through, like having a drunk for a father and being raised by a single mum. Through it all, i have always tried to hope for a better future. You at-least have a job. Given the struggles your mom went through to put you through school, i would say that she never gave up even at the very end, according to your post. All am trying to say is that, maybe you shouldn't give up! You shouldn't let your mum down by acting like your father! That would be a let down. And yes life sucks, but other than lead yourself to destruction, why don't you try and do the best you can with the little money you get. Have you ever thought of volunteering, like in an orphanage when you have nothing better to do just so you can be part of a solution and it's a good healing process that i've tried since i don't have the money to give. And don't let all the negative comments you get on here bother you. I will pray that you will not take up a path of self destruction. take care
By anonymous at 13,Jul,12 02:19

Great Post!!!
By anonymous at 13,Jul,12 02:22

I think you can either be miserable or learn from this man, and take actions to make your life better. I would try to go back to school, even if I needed to do debt. I would try for need based scholarships, and I believe you can make a decent life. If you can live on 180 a month now you can live very cheaply on debt in America too, until u finish degree. I believe in you.


By anonymous at 02,Feb,12 03:05

Im sorry to hear about all the hardships you've endured. Its not over, heres some good news!

God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
aAnd as that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.

God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes and sins and make them into something completely new!

When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.

Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life.

Youtube Nick vujicic. He's a man who was born with no legs or arms, God has done great things through him.

This isin't an ad or some other bull, I'm trying to bring you the truth which many can testify too.

Regards,

Kevin


By anonymous at 08,Feb,12 20:44

You pussy, sitting around smoking cigarettes and surfing the net trying to get pity. God isn't there and never has been, that was an excuse for murder, rape and pillage back in the day. Take control of your own life, stop drinking, smoking, drugs, and any other stupid money wasting habits you may have picked up. Plan where you want to go and then execute the plan. Cut your expenses, do a little more work. Stop spending, start saving, go forward and don't look back. Everyone dies eventually, you have to accept that. Life goes on, so start living it, it will soon enough be over.


By anonymous at 13,Jul,12 02:17

I have an opinion from an outside perspective. I think 180$ month is too hard a life, I believe in you that you can do make your life better.

I am an overachiever, if I were in your shoes I would contact the university that accepted you, and just get a plane flight somehow and go. The university can give you loans the entire time you are there, or you can get need based scholarships once you are there. I would fiasnish this degree and then you can try to earn 50000 a year in the US an computer information systems business analyst. I know it is hard, but I believe in you, and know once you start college you can do it. Just get on a flight and go to the university, tell them your story and they will see how hard you worked and how you persevere and will excel. I would give you this chance, after all you already were accepted!!! I think you will have a much better life, if its possible to speak to university and go. You must believe in yourself as I do.


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