Well, it's quite obvious why I'm posting this here. I'm laying on my couch, my cat curled around my feet, at 5AM, terrified of going to sleep. Because that means I'll have to go through that grim and awful moments BEFORE falling asleep, when my breath and pulse become shallow and fast from the fear. The fear of unknown, of the wars, diseases, unemployment, sheer stupidity, of falling out of love with my boyfriend thus making us both miserable... And the worst thing, fear of seeking help. Because it's not common for 21 year old girls with loving parents, friends, good grades and a dedicated boyfriend to feel so damn BAD. I hate it and it's slowly making me hate myself, which only deepens my dread and self-esteem issues.Because, here where I live, seeking help is a sign of weakness, a sign of clear madness and/or attention whoring.
I don't like the world much these days.. by becoming more educated, I hate it more and more. It's so hard to see the good side when you're presented with corruption, malice, ignorance and sheer stupidity every friggin day. I can't take it. It enrages me, I want to rip the world a new one. What is it with the world, with life? What the effing f*ck is so great about life? Why should I celebrate it?!? This rage is a good thing, though, because it's urging me to fight.