Ive always been afraid, or feel anxious around other people, especially women, Im akward in everything I do, I tried so hard to do what people think was right but ive noticed you cant ever be right doing that. Not complaining about lovelife, I havent had a girlfriend I was ever attracted to and wouldnt mind being a vigin again to be honest. I never leave the house, trapped in my room, on this damn computer, I feel inhuman, I cant relax or find peace. I watched almost every youtube on that subject, and THAT addiction built up this strong belief in me, as deep down as I can go at the moment, with a feeling there isnt a point in life, it's all hearsay, I havent heard one honest truth worth keeping in my heart. I look at people, as if I see them watching me, keeping their comments hidden, Im sure they would benefit my perspective. I get into trouble everywhere I turn, I have no job, absolutely noone would hire me, my last job was such a nightmare I lasted a week. I don't know how to be myself, or even see others, I'm sure this is all a dream, nothing feels real except for what I see and its such a warped negative perspective..at this point in my life, my dream is to just find the cheapest place I can live, and just be alone. Therapy hasnt worked its all bullshit brainwashing I'm sure. I dont enjoy anything..Videogames are the only thing I waste what little money I have on, and im not going to go into the negativity i bring into that. I would kill myself, just to see what happens next, cant be worse this, thankfully I found out religions bullshit too, so there cant really be a hell, right? or is this it?