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Life Will Never Get Better

Posted by Whipping Post at December 26, 2010
Tags: Attitude  2010 December  Family  Relationship

I have had a hellish life. My childhood was a horror of abuse daily by a drunkard father. He called me a dumb fucking bastard dozens of times a day since I can remember. My loving mother sat there and did nothing. I tried to find love with 5 failed marriages. I picked any loser who would have me. After getting cancer, my bastard ex husband took my 15 yr old son and made me pay child support. He also got the judge to make me pay $1500 in his lawyer fees. After being healed from cancer, I attempted to go to nursing school. After 5 years of being lead on by a community college, they failed me on some stupid paperwork. My grades were in the 90s, but they didn't like my paperwork. That was the last straw for me. I am always the idiot, always the asshole, I have come to accept it. My job in life is to lay there and let everyone and everything kick me around. It will never get better, it never has- it never will. I am tired of playing this pretend game that it will change. I'm ok with taking my beatings of what life has to offer. I used to wonder why my asshole ex husband was being blessed with money, a good marriage, etc. Now I get it. Certain people (very few) are the chosen ones in life to get beaten down everyday. You have to take it. There is no choice. Thanks for listening. From, Given up for good since this last knock down


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Comments:
By anonymous at 12,Jan,11 03:13

I am sorry to hear about your sufferings. Childhood abuse is so insidious and effects our decisions for the rest of our life.

As for certain people getting shit on for life, I would tend to agree with you on that point. Why some people have everything in life, and others get fucked over time and time again is a mystery. I have learned to expect the worse. I try therapy, however that is a crap shoot too.

I wish you the best.
By anonymous at 13,Jan,11 20:00

I hate it when people mix up homonyms like that


By anonymous at 12,Jan,11 04:57

are you a boy or a girl? :S


By anonymous at 12,Jan,11 09:39

your theory of chosen ones is wrong, there are no chosen ones, those who are made black are like those who were made white, those who were made asians, the same as those who were made africans, those who were made to suffer (according to you) are all the same as those who, in ur opinion, were made to be happy on life. Life has thaught me, Loving myself will get people to love me, Loving myself for who I was, not for what people wanted me to be, that's the key, trusting life and trusting what my futur is suprinsingly hiding for me, that's the secret. hating yourself and hating your life won't get you anywhere, better embrace what happened and throw it on your back, forget about that and have a new life, from this moment on, trust yourself, you're one precious human being, do not let other people take you down, if somebody likes you, like myself, and I do admire your courage and all, then it's good for them, not for you... if they hate you, then it's their problem, not yours. and I know somebody out there likes you the way you are and you're gonna see by yourself

Wish you good luck


By anonymous at 12,Jan,11 19:33

Fight back, then!


By at 14,Jan,11 19:15

Life sucks .... but there are good moments, that we forget when life is toughest. I mean you have a son, there had to be good moments after the birth, where you were happy. Happy moments abound in life, but it seems the miserable moments we remember.

Not trying to out do your misery, My mother was very loving, but my father was abusive. As a sensitive boy, I wanted an emotional connection with my dad, but he ignored me. When I was 14 I was overweight, didn't have a hair on my body, and my penis was incredibly small. On two occasions, I was raped by three boys.

This was the most contact I had with males, as I wasn't allowed to have friends, so I gave into the need for male contact and continued to have sex with boys though high school, for an emotional connection with males.

I have been with women, but almost 3" hard, I've never been too sought after by women for sex .... and find myself eventually going back to men to satisfy my sexual needs. I once married, and am a father, so my penis works, but even my ex complained that it was too small, for her to enjoy.

I have found my peace in resigning to being only with men sexually. It wasn't the way I saw my life turning out, sucking dick, and getting screwed, but it isn't that bad. I continue to hope to meet a woman who doesn't care about me being small in the pants .... and will love me, and care for me anyhow ... and as long as there is hope ... I wake up each day.


By at 15,Jan,11 00:33

I'm sorry to hear that. But I'll tell you what I always tell people when they're too passive agressive. Fight back! Be selfish all you want, you've been treated like shit, you deserve it. Do something for yourself once in a while. Go buy some new clothes (not really relevant if you're a male or a female)or books, DVDs,whatever you like, take courses, fight for your degree. Don't let your ex treat you like you're a piece of shit. You are not a piece of shit. All you have to do is realise that.

I strongly believe that we all deserve as much as we can fight for. And I know this sounds like some bad self - help book, but I'm going through a rough patch myself and that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to fight for what I deserve.


By anonymous at 11,Jul,11 01:00

be positive


By anonymous at 06,Feb,12 23:29

She's right. I have worked so hard trying to get things to be better but my life is a perpetual toilet too. Anyone who thinks that there aren't have and have-nots is farting rainbows. Life sucks, and has since I was little. I rejoice every time I feel my arythmia kick in and hope that this time will bring my freedom. And if cancer comes, I will embrace it's stronghold. But, if heaven is as crappy as earth then I'd rather not exist. As one of my professors said: "I feel much better now that I have given up hope." After 40 years of struggling, I'm eager for my body to give up the ghost.


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By crorkz at 15,Jan,15 14:51

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