About 2 years ago, I had a normal (average) life. I had a good job, lots of friends, big happy family, etc. And althought I was stressed out a lot, I was happy expecting my first child. The pregnancy was going normal (or so the doctors thought), but the week i reached six months my baby died inside the womb. The moment my life was over, all the dreams and plans i had for me and my baby boy died too. Giving birth to a baby that i could never hear crying, or smiling is the most painful experience and i don't wish that on the worse person. I'm someone who always beleive in God, and always been there for anyone who needed my help and i give anything to make others happy. How could this happen to me? As if losing my son wasn't enough, his father tried to commit suicide, i never saw him after that day in the hospital. He called once to apologize for not being 'stonng' enough. I had to plan our baby's funeral alone, I've been dealing with all the emotions of grief imaginable. Now 18 months later it isn't any better. Each day i feel worse than the day before, sometimes i'm hopeful but that feeling doesn't last long. Most days i think about ending my life, but i know i won't because it would cause my mother too much pain. Before this i was very social, i was the one everyone called for help, advice, or just about anything, but i've been so distant from eveyone including close friends and especially my family. I no longer attend any gathering, to make me feel worse, it seems eveyday someone i know is having a "baby". I want to be happy for them, but it's too hard for me (only somone in my place can understand this feeling, so please don't judge unless you've been where i'm). I try to think that my baby is in "heave" is with "God", but how can i believe that? How can i beleive in a God, a God that allows so much suffering. Everyone knows i was the person that would make the best mother they ever known, after all i'm all the kids favorite "auntie", "cousin". I had such a great life planned for my baby, sometimes i wonder if every expecting mother has just as much plan. This is already too much to share and there's more but i'll probably have to write a book to detail everything that's happened to me, like my baby's father totally abandoning me during the time i needed him most, his family pretended to care, but they all eventually stop talking to me, and today they are welcoming his new baby, which he had with the women that try to make my pregnancy stressfull.
I once used to believe that life was full of ups and downs, but i never imagined my life to go in the direction that it went and continues to go. If there is indded a Hell, i'm definetely living it now. I'm a fighter, i never thought of giving up, always been thrugh a lot hardship ever since my childhood, but this is a battle i don't think i can continue to fight becasue i might end up giving up. What's the reason for all this suffering? and when will it end? | |
Just be strong, and I know there would be a light in the end of the tunnel, just like the light I had myself... I wish you good fortune
Today I have two teenage daughters that have made me greatfull that I hung in there. They cause me no end of stress, what kids don't. Don't give up, I was going to, but if I had, two less lights would exist in this world.
If you are one of these many people , FIND SOMEONE TO HELP !!!!!
Do not go to the web site that tells you in detail how to take your life, how to do it , quickly & painlessly....becasue even tho it might not hurt you
( pianfully ) while you succomb to death, the pain , depression ,hurt and despair are now in the hearts of the ones who loved you .You have solved your problems ( or so you think ) , but your family and loved ones will suffer for the rest of their lives .
The last time my sister posted on facebook , she was welcoming my oldest sister into the circle of social media...it read" welcome seester , great to see you on here !!! And went on to explain what a wonderful , useful tool facebook would be ...she sounded fine , she seemed excited , and happy....she hung herself the next morning.
Im mad , Im sad , Im numb ....I have questions I can never get answers too. Did we fail her , or did she fail us ...
To anyone out there contemplating , do not take your life ,seek treatment , please ......Im sorry if my agenda seems selfish, but I loved my sister very much , and the best times of my life were spent with her , my oldest sister , and our mom . I hope she is in heaven , and at peace now .....that is what she wanted . For those of us left behind , we have no peace , our hearts are broken , and we will feel this pain until we die someday.......
I will remember what you said for the rest of my life ...
my eyes welled up with tears as I read it , but my heart became lighter . You gave me a part of the answers I was looking for .
Thank you
fuck them all
1st,I hate my Lil brother his being a jerk.2nd,He is USELESS.
3rd,Today is new year,HE'S BEING A CRY BABY(LOL)
And last Iwish I was DEAD
my happiest wish is playing computer on heaven but it will nvr come true
You are invited to my live webinar for today.
To reserve your seat, for the Live webinar from Carol Bell & Michel de Bakker for today 11:00 AM in Eastern Time (US and Canada), sent us an email to confirmlivewebinarseat@gmail.com
Here's a quick Overview of what we're going to cover:
• 5 Expensive Marketing Mistakes many business owners make, that prevent them from getting the results they want and how to avoid them (we'll show you what's working now)
• How to know where to start and what to focus on
• How to put together a cohesive marketing plan and stop wasting time on tasks that have no value
• How to know if you are targeting the wrong keywords…
• How to know if you are missing one of the most important components of your marketing … Learning this can dramatically lead to more sales…
• And much MUCH more...
Sincerely
Michel de Bakker & Carol Bell
"Sent from my iPhone"
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