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I haven't given up yet

Posted by BOA at January 1, 2011
Tags: 2010 December  Relationship  Sexuality

When I was 14 I was raped, by three boys, first orally then anally. I am male. I had no friends, and it seemed like while I was having sex with boys the boys liked me, so I continued. My parents divorced, in part because my dad found out I was having gay sex, and mom said it was okay, dad didn't want a queer son. All my life since, even though I had girl friends and sex with girls after I turned 18 .... when life was at the lowest, I turned to sex with males.

When I was 24 my younger brother age 22 died .... and it is possible that I helped cause his death ... not a criminal act, but it may have been caused in part by my actions.

More dating girls, and various roommates, and during lonely periods of my life, more sex with males.

I got married, fathered a son, and when she cut me off sexually, I began searching for a male lover, but before that happened she divorced me, and took my son away from me, (as well as her kids, who I was very fond of).

I gave up on women, having sex, with men, a relationship with a man, but I love women, so I met a girl who was open to sharing my bed with another guy. They ended up running off together. My dad died one year, then my step father died the next, then my mother died the following year, leaving me with only my son, who was 14 and visited on weekends.

I bought my ex out of our house, when we got divorced, having to refinance. Then after 19 years with a company, I got laid off, tried to start a business, failed, and had to refinance, then got fired from a company (truly was not my fault ) and had to refinance again. I owe 110k on my house, then assessed at over 260k.

The economy tanked, my house is now worth about 65k, my son got stupid and just got sentenced to four years in prison. I am 60 years old .... and the only thing I have going for me is a steady job, no lover, male or female, no prospect.


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