I just fucking hate being alive... Seriously, you can't find a single thing that is right or happy in my life. My parents appear to think that I'm a bit strange, but alright... Well, I am not. Why? Because I am 21 years old, but I still live with parents. I don't have a car, money, house/apartment or even a chance to get those things. Today I had to realize that I'm not going to be accepted to university either, despite the fact that I am usually marked as "smart" and "intelligent" by other people. My parents gave me an ultimatum to find a job in less than two weeks, otherwise I'm no longer welcome in their house... That's gonna be an easy task with the unemployment rate of 15%, isn't it?
I believe that my life would be better if it didn't lack love and intimacy. But, of course, I am not handsome, not at all... Girls seem to dodge me. I have never kissed anyone. And, as I'm getting older, my expectations also seem to increase... so basically there is no chance for me to ever find a girl.
I have read a lot about religions, thinking that they might change my life, or at least make it more livable. This might also be a problem with my personality, but I cannot truly believe in something I never experienced. I am not an atheist, but I can't be a believer.
I wish my life would end... but it doesn't. The only reason that prevents me from committing suicide is my love towards my family members. I don't want to cause pain to them with my death.
I am aware that no one ever reads these stories, but it felt good to write this stuff down. Excuse me for my poor English, it's not my native language.