Hey there
I'm 18 years old, and my only wish is to pass out.
From the time I remember myself, my parents were preventing me from seeing the world on its true form, I began to leave my house for school at a late age.
I was a nerd, I was a good studen I must admit, but I was most of the time hated, and I was like "How did my skills in school serve me, Nothing", I was called Fat, Nerd, Unattractive Bitch, Lonely ass ect... ect... Then after some years I decide to change and I did it, I thaught changing would make me feel better, or make me gain friends, since I had none by the time, I was telling my mum about my problems and she was always like "They're just jalous of you, u're handsome" and u know, those consolative sentences, but when I grew up I realised I was the ugliest ass on my city, and I realised I would never have sex, neither will I ever have a girlfriend like all my classmates.
Once I began loving a girl, and I thaught she loved me too, was the first person I speak to besides my familly, she kissed me once, till I realised everything she did was just to make me look bad in front of everybody else, she like forced me to be in a party where my ancient classmates were, and they made me cry, cuz they stole my dear caring loving girlfriend stole my diaries and gave it to them and they was laughin at all what I writted so far...
Now after 3 years of that, I finally graduated to University, and my mum keeps on telling me that i'm handsome and that i'll manage... And I was tellin myself that I could do it, But I never did.
I'm now suffering of Social Anxiety, everytime I go out and hear somebody laughing I think they laugh at how ugly i am, and everytime I hear a whisper I think those people whisper about how lonely i am, and how fucked up is my life, My parents keep forcing me to go to the university even tho they know there are just badasses who keep laughin at my ass, and tellin jokes with their gfs about me, and this just pisses me off... I had only one friend in my life and was my brother, he had to go to the capital to continue studying but I never wanted him to go, and since he went off, i began having anger crysises almost everynight, I cry a lot with no one knowing it, I try to hide my suffering, and I'm quite good at it, but not anymore, last week I had a fight with my dad cuz I didn't want to go to the university again and I told him everything that's going on so far, And he was like "I won't have u in my house if u don't wanna study and get a job" so I had to leave the house and now I'm living with my grandma which is always complaning about seeing me in her house all the day long doing nothing, My parents dunno where am I, and My grandma wants me gone at all costs, I'm begining to think about suicide, even tho I know that would cost me my afterlife, if I ever have one, everything is crumbling around me, My head aches, my eyes are going blind from all the tears I cried, Sometimes I just wanna take a knife and put it in my fat ugly stomach, but I don't even have the balls to do that... neither do I have the balls to face the world, and my heart is always beating so fast from all the depression I'm goin through...
I hate my life...
:'( | |
I totally understand what you're going through.
I'm the same.
I'm the ugly, fat, nerdy girl in class.
I'm 16, I'll be 17 next month, and I don't even have 1 friend.
The only one who I trust and who I can talk to is my sister.
But we go to different schools, so at school I'm lonely.
There is this girl that hangs out with me sometimes,( even though I don't want her to) , because she has no one else as well.
She's always nasty to me.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, (I know it sounds cliché) : You're not alone, you're not the only one who is going to stuff like this.
I'm not some one who'll tell you that 'better times will come'. Because no one can know that. Some people eventually live a crappy life, other may find happiness after all.
I hope you will have the latter.
Please don't kill yourself.
I don't believe in all that afterlife crap ( if there really would be a God, there would be no cruelty in the world, because no loving God, would let people live miserable lives ), but that's not the point.
You only get one life, so try to be the best person you can. Try to do some things that make you feel like you've achieved something, or like you've helped some one.
You could volunteer. Helping people or animals will make you feel better and useful.
Plus, it might even make you more social, since you'll be working with other people as well.
I hope I helped.
The best of luck to you,
Farah.
Get a pet dog or something, learn about unconditional, non-judgmental love.
email me at gothgamesproduction@hotmail.com if you need to talk. dont kill yourself. i've thought about it before. it's not worth it. i don't check my email that often so don't be surprised if i don't answer right away. best of luck to you bro. -silentcrusader
was a bad joke, I know
hope u move on
if you're lucky you wont wake up when you go to sleep but don't kill yourself. I go through the same exact things you go through except that i I haven't been put out of the house yet. But one day I will be out on the streets don't quite know how that will work out for me but thats the direction my life is heading life just keeps fucking me all the time and it really is frustrating
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