LIFE SUCKS

worse than virginity?

I'm going to be 24 in a few months and haven't had any sort of sex since December 2004. My freshman year of college, I was a freshly-slimmed fat kid from a cow town in a medium size city for the first time, and fucked whatever I could. Fat chicks, crazy chicks, I didn't really care. I wanted to lose my boyhood, that was all.
Even though that sounded like a good plan in theory, it wound up backfiring after I met a girl who I wanted to seriously get to know. We actually did spend some time together and she seemed to like me, I was about 2cm away from kissing her for the first time when her friend walked in on us, and we both froze up.

Well before we could see each other again, one of the nasty cunts I slept with decided to tell this girls friends about what we did (basically ran the gamut). This girl starts acting weird with me in front her friends and when I find out why I'm heartbroken, and pissed. And like a dumbass, the good girl walks up to me alone one day to talk but because of a bruised ego I act aloof and she gets pissed at me. I get into such a shit mood after that I give up on girls the rest of the freshman year, go back home and lose a shitload of weight working and getting an idea in my head to make this girl come back to me.

It didn't happen. I had driven back across the country to find that not only was she not interested in knowing me at all, but also most of my friends from freshman year had dropped out, and I was roomed in the worst room on campus. I went into a pretty severe depression, gained some weight back and didn't even get kissed the whole year. I wound up dropping out of school (they were going to stick me in the same room next year and by now my reputation was shit) and returning home.

I got back together with a girl I had had a weird relationship with in high school (more than friends, but we didn't have sex....it was like an emotional affair and a close friendship, if that makes sense). I thought she liked me back and we kissed and hugged and spent time with each other. Then I find out that she's seeing a friend of mine and just wants to be friends, and have me do favors for her and her fucked up friends and family. Before too long she was straight up behaving rudely, ordering me around and cockteasing so I cut that off. My attitude towards women now was in the shitter. I had decent looking girls interested in me for a time but I was too hurt and pissed to give a shit.

The next year, I went back to school and moved into an apartment with some other guys. Was there for 3 years and couldn't get a date with any girl I was remotely interested in, by age 20 it seemed like most were either coupled up already or were jaded from dating themselves. I had the pug-ugliest Asian girl I had ever seen willing to give up her cherry for me but I knew that mechanically, there was no way it was going to happen. And that was the last real opportunity I've had, that was back in '07. And after that amount of time servicing myself and being dry from women, I've lost a lot of communication skills. I'm fairly fat again (why look good if nobody appreciates it?) and in the rare event that a woman does show interest, I'm either too rusty to notice her signals before it's too late or I'm reliving my past failings and wondering what angle this bitch is working.

So to all the old virgins out there: don't feel too bad. At least many of you can still dream about how awesome it might be your first time and be enthusiastic when an opportunity arises. I'm approaching 24 and I'm more jaded than some divorced middle aged men I've met. Pretty much the only good thing about my life is that I will never need to buy a Shake Weight for Men. Fuck it.