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a rough patch to start, is it that bad?

Posted by S at January 23, 2011
Tags: 2011 January  Job  Mistakes  Relationship

I just need to vent here (sorry, English is not my first language).

I got raped when I was just 16, and having to live a traumatized childhood is already exhausting for me. In school, I didn't really have many friends so I spent my years eating alone in the canteen or inside the classroom.

Then I met this guy when I was 18, got pregnant and was looking forward to have a future with him. I wouldn't mind working my ass off to provide a better life for my new family. However, after three months, he told me he couldn't afford it hence; the abortion. Then a week later, he went off with another girl and I was left alone feeling guilty (due to the loss of the baby) and was crushed with fake hopes and promises. And it was very painful to do the abortion. He promised to NEVER leave me, but yes..he did.

Time passed, I began venturing into the modeling industry. Everything was great and after two years experience, I was offered the job as an Event Planner. Then, things got worse. I got accused for money swindling and having to mistreat the models. I didn't know what to do but I did try to explain to the Tourism Board and some sort of Government association..but to no avail. One of the girls wanted to sue me, I had to beg for a chance and finally, I got fired. Much worse, I got blacklisted in my country's Tourism Board; which means my name is pretty much ruined, I can't organize anymore events, can't attend any of them, can't invest, etc. The thing is, I had a partner..she is the one who did all these bad things but she got away with it. Such life.

Then, I met this guy..he was a friend and during the hard times, I confided in him..and we got together. Well, not for long. He treated me like shit after that; whenever we had an argument, he would demand for sex and fucked me til I bleed-ed. Sounds sickening right? If I refuse, I'd get beaten up. And finally I got pregnant again, he wasn't thrill about it..and not long after that, I had a miscarriage..and was rushed to a hospital. The doctor told me that the baby could be saved, so I was happy and called the guy. He told me he wouldn't want it, and he would leave me if I decide to keep the baby. Having the choices like that, I've decided to do abortion. Going through the same process, got inserted a killer vacuum that sucked everything in me, having to kill two amazing beautiful lives. I don't understand? I literally moved back to this hometown for him, quit my modeling life back then and was very ready to commit in this re/ship but how could he do this to me? He said good when the baby was killed and few days later, he dumped me. Great.

I know that there lives out there which are much worse than mine..but I have no one to turn to, no one to believe or to trust. I just want to vent here..however, I believe things will get back to normal..and the power is in my hands in order to re-arrange my life once again. Life will not just stop there.


Similar Entries:
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how my life suck February 9, 2010
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Depression November 9, 2011
untitled story October 18, 2011

New Comment

By at 18,Feb,11 21:43


By anonymous at 19,Feb,11 00:11

Why do people keep making the same mistake over and over again. How many times does it take to learn the lesson? Maybe if one just looks for god and his guidance they wont make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. I am sickened.
By anonymous at 19,Feb,11 16:42

wow your fucked up im sickened by you as you say.. oh find god so easy to say but i would say fuck you and god dont seem like he was there for this person and sick of you and all the other arrogant fucks who think if there is this all knowing guy that he cares about you

By anonymous at 20,Feb,11 05:23

if you keep choosing those type of partners your life will NEVER get better

By anonymous at 20,Feb,11 11:36

yepp, I have to recognize my own dating patterns and hopefully I'll be able to break them.

anyway, I'm moving to another country and start all over again.. where the corrupted government and ass-lickin' Tourism Board will not EVER interfere my life.

wish me luck!

By anonymous at 21,Feb,11 01:27

You should kill your self, (and all those bastards) I would
By anonymous at 21,Feb,11 05:32

poor thing, you must be one of the saddest living creatures on earth. such life huh? but nobody cares about your existence, so please do us a favor, burn yourself up or at least get the hell out of this site. seriously, just go to hell okay? thank you
By anonymous at 21,Feb,11 06:09

to the person above me ...the only thing your sad fucking miserable existence has left is a cold lonely death in which nobody will even care that you are dead you sad fucking piece of shit .
By anonymous at 21,Feb,11 06:26

f*ck you, my life is perfect and i bet yours isn't cause you must be so sad to go telling people to kill themselves.

i pray so hard wish you could just die butt-naked and got raped by 100 men in some corner of the street.
By Venom at 22,Feb,11 14:50 Fold Up

I don't usually suggest suicide, for anyone, but if u think u're some good ass lifeful fuck who thinks everybody else thinks of killing themselves such as urself ? Then u probably should just... step up, cross to that window, jump out, crack ur head on the concreat and end ur fucking miserable life, u stupid ass sad faggot
Sorry everyone else, wasn't really in the mood to hear such stupid ass coments from such stupid ass people,
That girl went throught a lot, leave her alone stupid fags, u ain't even worth her fingernail, not even one, so why are u trying to play with the highest league, she's got all my respect, and probably a place in my heart even tho I don't personally know her, she survived through a lot, something u couldn't do by urself,
If u're feelin alot like those schysofrenic lifeless fucks out there ? post ur story here so I could cheer u up or make u kill urself (depends weither I like ur fuckin stupid story or not) or u could just Shut the fuck up

By anonymous at 21,Feb,11 06:23

wow, i am sooo sickened with people telling everybody about "oh no my life totally sucks! wish i could kill myself now!"

well? why aren't you doing it right now? and funny how you've got the time to go online searching for "life sucks" sites and then to post out your dear miserable life. obviously you're not even looking for a solution, but to rant and rant and rant... that's pretty sad.

it's good to know that the author is able to view something positive at the end of the day despite how f*cked up messed she was. and to some people? fu*k off and stay on with your pathetic lives!

By anonymous at 23,Feb,11 11:15

hey girl.. S, hope you're reading this.. don't ever give up okay. you could still start all over even if you've messed up in the past so badly.. mine pretty bad too..but i can't think of anything else to do...
good luck girl

By anonymous at 28,Feb,11 16:30

I'm so sorry to hear this, I wish your life will become better soon. Just don't give up.

By Buck at 24,Jul,11 06:33

That's a mold-breaker. Great thniikng!

By Air?Jordan?Flight?9 at 15,Aug,14 15:28

"Valerie Amos, Half the country is in need of some kind of humanitarian assistance.This time tea party activists mobilized by freshman SenatorTed Cruz of Texasmounted a campaign to seize the must-do measure in an effort to derailObamacare."If they want to open the government,A consultation period is now open, in the city??s south."He always comes to our house to visit him and take blessings, Sudhir!uk/news/world/ame..[

By Daffodil at 21,Sep,14 05:22

repay 3 billion euros to the Belgian government.AS) debt jumped by $3 billion.

By Latoya at 15,May,17 01:48

It's always a relief when someone with obvious exrpteise answers. Thanks!

New Comment