Let's start out. When i was 8 my mother went nuts and has been on pluto since then. I grew up being artsy fartsy and everyone telling me to conform. My parents divorced when I was 11. I turned into a thief, conman and drug addict and habitual bad student from then on. I've dreamed about running away or killing myself or some other form of suicide like a sex change. I cheated on my girlfriend all through high school. I have had stds. I dropped out of high school. I dropped out of college. I dropped out of the Army. I knocked a dumb lsd slinging flakey hippy dip shit up 3 times! I married her stupid ass. I went straight and became an at home father with small side handyman work here and there. She made the bacon and was in business management. After 10 years she gets popped for embezzlement. She leaves me because I can't pick up the ball she dropped and complains we will always be poor. I have paid off 60K in credit card debt of hers in full twice and the third time I said hell no. We were screwed over and out of 25K from a real estate deal gone bad. I am now divorced. I do not see my kids. I live 3000 miles away from them. I live with my father who is a complete asshole. I am 32 and I have a high school diploma, no savings, no health insurance, no life insurance and no job. Trashed credit. I can't even open a checking account because my ex fucked that all up. I can't even buy my own clothes. I am in arrears of $2000 in child support. I ran out of gas the other day driving to a job interview because I didn't have enough money to get there. When I finally got there it was a joke and too good to be true. I met a girl who seemed cool, but her crazy side came out with the anxiety attacks and her meds. I haven't had sex with or even kissed a girl in over 2 years. Oh i suffer from alopecia areata and and my head looks like a soccer ball baldy fuck head. I have become an alcoholic in the past year. I have no hope. No dreams. And no more goals. All I want to do is drive off a cliff or cut the wheel sharp into a truck at 85 mph. There are no simple solutions. There is just struggle, struggle ahead of me while I think of my ex and kids I cannot even enjoy but I am destined to a life of servitude to, because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants and not make 3 kids and not marry a stupid fucking traitor bitch. I feel I am now expected to live to serve others when I can't even take care of myself.
Fuck this world.
Makes me want to just pick a direction and start walking. Either into a bus or to a far off distant land and change my name and learn a new language and forget myself.