I'm a 20 year old male, and I hate my life.
I was diagnosed with Chron disease at the age of 12, and I had to take some pills that made my face really swallow, which made me constantly being harassed at school.
2 years later, I got a severe acne problem (and I mean, really severe) that made my entire face look like an erupting volcano. Combined with the swalowness of my face, not only it made me look like a monster, as it was really painfull through the entire day. Sometimes I just wanted to go to the kitchen and grab a knife and manually rip off those painfull tumors under my skin. My disease (which is related to the intestines) made me constantly want to go to the bathroom during classes, which made me a laughing stock in my class. I cried every single night, sometimes I still do, because I never understood what I had done to deserve this.
Only now at the age of 20 my disease stabilized. My face is normal, and my acne problem disapeared (for now). I almost look like a normal person, excluding my acne scars through my entire face. However, the damage has been done: I had the wrost childhood I can imagine. I never talked to people because of the way I looked like, and now I have poorly social skills. I have no friends. I'm a virgin and don't even know how to talk to girls, my entire childhood left a trauma on me that I don't have a single drop of confidence. I see all the people I knew being sucessfull in life, getting their driver's license and girlfriends... the only thing I managed to do was failing twice in my driving exam (I still don't have my license) and being a pathetic loser who gets no girls.
I have always been a good student, but since I got into college last year, I became one of the wrost students. I feel like I am never going to graduate and my life is pretty meaningless right now. I cannot make friends in college and I don't have motivation to do anything every day. I joined a football team to meet new people, but it didn't help very much. I love the sport and give my best every single practice, and I can kinda talk to people while I'm there, but I only talk to them while I'm there, when I get home I get back to being a lonely and depressed person.
I don't have an open relationship with my parents; I spend all my life on my room, on the Internet and only see them at dinner time, and we never talk about anything. They love me and I love them too, and I know they have suffered for of seeing me having the childhood that I had, and they want me to talk to them more often, but I don't feel confortable to talk to them about anything, it feels weird.
I hate my life, I feel lonely and meaningless. But I know there are much worse cases than mine. I want to change my life and I know I have everything in my disposal to do it, but I just don't know how to... I don't know where to start... I don't know how to do it... i read a lot of self-help ebooks concerning social communication and talking to girls, but I just can't do it... I'ts like I don't have the courage to start applying the theory of what I have read. My childhood still haunts me, not letting me be what I want to be. I don't know what to do, I cry every night thinking about how miserable and pathetic I am, and sometimes I just wish I had never been born...
Please help me.