Okay, so in high school I was the really smart successful guy with killer grades and scores and I made it to Harvard. That was half a lifetime ago and it was my biggest accomplishment. Since then it all fell apart.
I was depressed in college and not very motivated b/c of unresolved personal health issues. I didn't try hard and got bad grades. Then I started a dot-com company and did that for 13 years. It made a nice salary but it finally ended in a lawsuit that emptied my bank account. Yep, 13 years of work and I'm back to zero. Now I have no advanced degree, no career history, no professional job experience, no capital to start over, and I'm old.
Here's the bad part: my Harvard friends are rich. One was in early at Google. Two others are ibankers. They complain about six-figure bonuses (b/c they are used to seven) not realizing I am broke. Of my friends from high-school one owns a dental practice ($400k/year), one works at a hedge fund ($500k/yr), and one is a radiologist ($800k/year). Then there's a pediatrician, a corporate lawyer, etc. who make around $200k. And there are the tenured college professors who aren't rich but have total job security. None of these people will ever worry about their career future. Meantime I don't have one.
Now I am finding I hate these people. They didn't suffer with my health issues and so they sailed ahead while I floundered and failed. The Harvard people were just too smart for me. But I was smarter than the high school friends. The radiologist I actually tutored through high school physics. The hedge fund guy copied my chemistry homework. You get the idea. I feel that b/c of my personal problems which weren't my fault I could not attain my potential. I could be where they were if not for those issues.
These friends don't know my story and they keep trying to get in touch. They expect I must be equally successful as them. I don't want to talk to any of them anymore b/c I am too envious of their success. They have careers, advanced degrees, families, money, and future. I don't have any. I cannot afford to join them on their fancy vacations. I am tired of pretending to be happy that they made partner or bought a mansion. I honestly can't stand hearing anything more about their successes and I don't even respect what some of them do (Wall Street parasites in particular).
I guess I just feel that I fucked up the big opportunity that was given to me when I was 18. Harvard was the keys to the kingdom but I didn't use them. The dot-com had a chance to get big but I blundered it. I am worse than most losers b/c I had so many more chances, and so much more ability, than most people will ever have. And it all went to nothing. Plus, my health is just worse. I am thinking I should just hurry up and die.