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~~~Story~~~

Posted by Just Me at February 3, 2011
Tags: 2011 February  Juvenile problems  Loneliness

I apologize as my letter will be very long, so i decided to split it into categories, so you could chose what to read. All that i seek is advice and would be really grateful if you could make an effort and read it till the end.

INTRODUCTION
Hello everyone. I don't even know from where to start. I'm a girl almost 18 years old and i feel like i have lost myself as i am so confused.
For starters, let me say that I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother, it's like she never understands me, can't talk to her about anything as she's a bit old-fashioned and doesn't seem to understand me at all. I have tried to talk to her, try to establish at least something that could help us to get on better. I have a friend that shares everything with her mom, if she's stuck in a difficult situation her mother always gives her advice. What I am saying is that they have a really strong connection. Wish I knew what's like to have a mom that cares for you, listens to you, gives you advice. Once I told my mom that I like a boy at school, and she started telling me that I think only about boys and nearly called me a bitch. And that was not true at all, that was the first boy that I liked ever, but i guess i learned not to trust my mother and share things with her.
On the other hand, I have an amazing dad whom I love very very very much. He has always been caring for me, supporting me through all of my difficulties, advising me and loving me more than anything on this world. The problem is that 3 years ago he moved to another country because of his work and i tend to miss him a lot and kind of suffer because of it. I am studying at a university so when i have holidays i visit him. And sometimes I feel insecure when dad is not around, get the feeling that i am completely lonely without him. Sometimes he disappoints me and I tend to think that i have idealized my father and actually he's nothing that i think he is. Just want to mention that he has accomplished very much in his life, he started from 0 (before marrying mom), had no money at all but with all his efforts he managed to become rich not much, just a little bit higher middle class.

LONELINESS
I have never complained about the fact that I am lonely. I don't have real friends that could support me and do everything they could if something happened to me. It may sound weird but I enjoy being with myself, i feel more alone in a company, when everyone pretend to be something that obviously they aren't. I have a brother but this doesn't help a lot, i would describe him as a selfish person but still, I love him very much. Sometimes I talk to him when I really want to share something, but all that i get is critics. It offends me, but I move on. Sometimes I think that I am a strong person as I have been through a lot of things that helped me realize that there are no real friends just constant interests. Anyways, there are days when I feel more alone than ever and I don't know to whom to talk to as there's noone around that cares (guess today is such a day) and i break down and cry as i feel that I am helpless. While constant arguing with my mother i have several times thought of killing myself but then comes the thought with my father suffering I just can't hurt him in such way, seems too cruel. Sometimes only this helps me to move on.

DESTINY OR WHAT ?
Few days ago, while I was coming back home from my dad (as I had a vacation) I had a strange experience that I don't know how to interpret. The thing is, that I chose for the first time to come back by bus not train..and I was glad that nobody sat next to me. So, after 3 hours as the bus stopped people started to come up, so a very nice boy sat next to me and he couldn't stop talking with me. Here I have to mention that I had just 1 serious relationship with a boy maybe when i was 16 or just turning, so that boy meant the world to me back then..and when we broke up i totally gave up on something called love or a relationship, just couldn't find anyone interesting or good enough for me. I know that 16 is a very early age for starting relationship, but it happened i found a boyfriend and was pretty happy with him. Unfortunately, all good comes to an end. So, going back to what happened to me. We started talking (with the boy that sat next to me) and I found out that he's really interesting person. When I told him where I was headed to, he told me that the bus that we were on, doesn't go there and that I have to catch another bus. Here I didn't know what to do whether to trust this young man or not, so when I saw that all the people were getting of the bus, I simply didn't know what to do (I was in another country, don't know the language that is spoken there). Then this boy asked the driver, he gave him instructions and next thing I know, this boy grabbed my bags that were really heavy and waited with me for my bus to arrive and helped me with my luggage. I was so thankful to him, besides while waiting we kept on talking about ourselves, so we exchanged our numbers, promised to keep in touch and find each other in facebook. We did so, but it turned out that I can't stop thinking of him, all I do is think of him. Honestly, if it wasn't him, i'd probably be lost somewhere back there as my battery was dead and couldn't call anyone. But the thing is, that he invited me to see his town after all and of course I'd love to, but isn't it all fast? I mean we keep in touch, we write to each other almost every evening, and i couldn't help but notice that i am starting to fall for him. But what if he sees me only as a friend ???

To sum up, I am not saying that my life sucks or something like that..I just have hard time figuring all this out on my own, I am confused. After all, I see my friend with her boyfriend being so happy, that I want to have someone close to me as well, someone who could hug me when I feel bad and support me through my problems. I am very grateful that you read all this, please give me advice or say what you think. :)


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 02,Mar,11 13:07

never trust any strange boy specially when u are only 18!
love is a lie...

the only result of your relationship with that boy will be something like stories we have read on this site.


By anonymous at 03,Mar,11 05:18

you sweetheart. well since that boy is in another country you probably won't see him too much right? Well, maybe you had that experience to show you that there are people all around you that are interesting if you just open up, talk to people. I bet you could find an interesting guy really quick. There are so many people out there all looking for the same thing as you. gdluck!


By anonymous at 06,Mar,11 19:38

Hi, I read your entire letter and I went thru so many similar things when I was your age. My mother couldn't relate to me at all and didn't know how to deal with me although I loved my Dad and he was a great father, but my parents divorced and he moved out so I was stuck with my mom who is pretty much crazy now (12 years later). I also felt very lonely. None of my friends could relate to what I was going thru so it just made me feel like a weirdo sort of. I actually started sleeping around to try to get some kind of attention (don't do that!!) I also contemplated suicide and had depression problems all stemming from my relationship with my mother. I was a strong person though and got thru it and now I have an AMAZING husband and two beautiful little girls. Love IS real, and I think that you should go meet that boy, just of course be careful, maybe bring a friend or your dad or something just to be on the safe side. But since you have been getting to know him intellectually first because of the distance, that will make for a great relationship, and any guy who writes you every night is thinking about you just as much as you are thinking about him. Trust me! I'm older now, 30, and I have lived thru all that you are going thru, and although I'm not THAT much older, there is a lot of maturity from 18-30 and a lot of lessons I've learned. One thing I will tell you, NEVER give up on your life! When you finally do find someone who loves you unconditionally like my husband loves me, it's the 2nd most beautiful thing in the world...kids are the 1st. I have 2 little girls and I constantly think about all the ways I am going to relate so much better to them when they are teenagers than my mom related to me! I can't wait to be the best mother EVER to them at that age! I know my girl's and I will be like your friend and her mom that were real close and could talk about anything, and you can have that too with your future kids. I also have a wonderful mother-in-law AND my dad remarried to an amazing woman who is my stepmom, so now I always say I got 2 moms for the one that isn't really a mom to me anymore and who I haven't spoken to in 2 years. But it's ok, when I have any problems, i now can call my stepmom and i talk to her about everything! She is so great and I love her and have told her how thankful I am to have her in my life. Same with my mother in law. I'm telling you, just focus on being happy and let love in and it will come. Don't close it out or become a hermit like my mother has become. No one will ever love her because she doesn't let anyone in. You WILL find love and you will be happy but YOU have to make the commitment to work for it too. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you all this in person like I wish someone had done for me when I was going thru these issues. Also, once you become an adult (not any certain age, just a maturity and "finding yourself" type of thing), then things really do get so much better, and life becomes clearer and less complicated. I hope this helps! Go meet your guy!!! AND...very important...if that doesn't work out, it's OK, you'll meet another one and soon enough prince charming WILL come along! It's NOT a fairy tale, I promise!!!! :)


By anonymous at 08,Mar,11 16:25

Hi :)
I read your entire story and I must say that I feel that I can relate to how you feel,I am an 18 year old guy and I've always felt like I was alone in groups of pretentious people. I tend to only keep in touch with close friends and don't like having casual ones because I feel like they will never be able to understand who I am.
I must say, there's nothing like finding someone you can feel very close to. That being said, I think you should continue to develop your relationship with this boy because in the end we all want someone we can share everything with and be happy that they are around us.
This is my email ----> gorner_92@hotmail.com
if you ever need to talk to someone or want to have an anonymous friend please don't hesitate to contact me.
I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness.


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