my life sucks in short,
1: I have disorders that make it hard to have a normal life (PTST, Boderline)
2: My home situation/parents trigger my disorders, meaning:I'm in constant fear
3: I need to move out because I don't know how much longer i can take it here
3A: But.... to move out I need money, right?!
3B: I can't find a job, no job = no money, no money = no moving out
4: I don't have a high enough level of eductation, so i started school again
4A: Then after 4 weeks i got sick, needed surgery and missed 3 months of school
4B: this meaning, I missed too much to actually be able to graduate...
5: I had 2 pet snakes for years already, loved them so much, they just died:(
5A: I need pets, they help me feel ok. Dad won't allow pets in the house:(
5B: So who to I talk to now when I'm sad?!
6: I need psychological help, But I've been on the waiting list for over a year
7: I have flashbacks of my trauma's on a daily base and I live in constant fear
7A: I have no where to go to relax and calm down. cause home is not safe.
8: I have no friends,why? because I am scared of people. what if they hurt me?
8A: No friends = being lonely, having no one to talk to, no one to keep me safe
8B: I try not to be afraid, but it's easier said then done.
9: I have ambitions in life, I know what I want
9A: I just can't get it. I don't have any controle over what I do in life
9B: I need my parents for everything, because:I have no money, no car, no house
9C: But my parents are not there for me... they do not help.
10: I hate my life at this point... I break down 2 to 5 times a week:(
So you see my life sucks...
I don't know what to do anymore! I want to change it. But I don't know how!
I am scared of my own emotions... I wanna die but I don't wanna die either.
I want so many things in life... yet it seems I am just not going to get them.
sometimes I feel like there is no point in even wanting things... as it's only going to make me sad in the end.
If only i'd be able to move out... that would change everything... things wouldn't be ok yet... but it would be a big step towards a better life.
I would at least get a saying in my own life.
I just don't know how to get it done. and nobody will help me:(
Olga from the netherlands