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What shall i do?

Posted by Brokenhearted at February 16, 2011
Tags: Family  2011 February  Relationship

I am a 27 year old girl from an asian background. I hate my job, could not study and fulfill my dream because of responsibilties. I loved a guy when i was about 17, was with him for 4 years, we wanted to get married an all but my family said no, so he went off and got married and forgot all about me. It took me ages to move on and forget about him. I wouldn't let anyone in so easily as i was scared of getting hurt.
Anyways, i now meet this guy who is so meant for me, me and him fit together so perfectly like a puzzle thats been completed. I didn't want to let myself fall for him incase my family disagrees again. So, after a few months, he popped the question, I really liked him but kept holding back but did want to spend my life with him, i told him to speak to my family, they agreed :-) We got together, i fell for him. But everytime problems kept arising and eventually my family broke it off. We got engaged only for 2 days before it was broken :-(
He was partly at fault for it breaking, he was a bit rude towards my family, but i think my family was wrong to to make such a big decision rather than speaking to him instead. Now i'm not allowed to see him or even speak to him. I hate my job, i hate my life! I can't see him or speak to him. I love my mum, since my sister passed away i've always been looking after her and i'm her only support. But i feel so pressured to listen to her because i don't want to hurt her and i know she's only doing this because she feels she's doing whats best for me and doesn't want me to marry the wrong guy. But surely i should be allowed to make my own decisions now. Even if it's a mistake, let me make my own mistakes. I can't live home because i know how hurt she'll be and how can i be happy knowing i've hurt someone so much? I tried everything, speaking to her, he tried speaking to her but she won't have none of it. Frankly, i'm tired of sacrificing my happiness for others.. But i just can't do it. So i have to wait to go to bed so i can cry without hurting anyone. But i can't live like this anymore. For once in my life i have been so happy, and even that got taken away from me. And now i have to chose between the two people i love the most, and i simply can't chose between them!


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Comments:
By IAMADOG at 10,Mar,11 19:18

Well honey, you are 27 and have been controlled by your mother your whole life...she will never let you go and noone will ever be perfect for you in her eyes....only if someone just like your father walked into your life, but then you would be marrying your father, which is totally weird. My advice to you is not to go get married right away out of respect for your mother marriage doesnt change anything but where you live...your mother will eventually get used to him...tell her you are not getting married, but refuse to give up your happieness...remember even if you leave and get married with him and it doesnt work out your mother will still be there when he is gone...so why not just go for it, but not right away give it some time


By anonymous at 12,Mar,11 10:47

Seriously, at your age you are letting your family control who you marry? I don't care *what* your ethnic background is, that is ridiculous! Cultures can be emotionally sick just like people can, and any culture that is ok with you being unhappy instead of marrying the person you want to is sick, plain and simple.
By anonymous at 21,Apr,11 03:44

Unsympathetic prick,
your ignorance is exposed for all to see.
Cultural backgrounds are an absolute factor in family
chemistry.

Don't give up, lady. There has to be someway for you to take some time for yourself and figure this out. Take a vacation........Maybe i don't know what i'm talking about..
..It's just a suggestion......but taking a distance from a problem to figure out a solution seems constructive and healthy. i hope you find solace and understanding from your loved ones. GOOD LUCK:-)


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