I'm stuck in a rut. I've spent the last 15 years training to be something I really don't care about or want to do anymore. Sure it was fun and challenging getting those various advanced degrees, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it. What a waste of time. What a waste of my life.
If only I enjoyed what I'm doing right now, the sacrifices (personal relationships, monetary) would have been worth it. Now, at 34, I'm alone, mediocre, and doing something that I don't believe in. I have no family, few to no friends, little to no chances at improving this situation if I stay like this. I'm just getting by, but barely.
I'm tired of being something that I'm not. I'm tired of not believing in myself and having no confidence. I'm tired of not going for what I really want in life. I realize that although I'm still relatively young, life is starting to pass me by faster than ever. I'm tired of not having the courage to just risk it all and go for broke. There's nothing holding me back but myself. I wish I was stronger, I wish I could just act.
I really have nothing to lose anymore. I don't want to quit life. I don't want to give up on myself. I just want to quit the life I currently have now. I just want to give up who I'm trying to be, and be the real me.
My current life does suck. To me at least.
But I've got to keep fighting.