LIFE SUCKS

I hate my life

I hate my life so much. It seems to be good at first but it's actually not. I'm only 16. But I have to suffer from major depression, dysthymia, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and lots of mental disorders. Dysthymia makes me a little sad all the time. I can't even remember when is the last time I feel really happy.

I live in Thailand. And I hate the culture here. So strict. And my opinion in things is against most of Thai people opinions. They are so old fashioned. My parents don't even let me go out to the mall near my school. I know this because I went there once without telling them and when they found out they went all insane. They even told me to stay still because even going to the restaurant there is dangerous in their opinion. And it was only 5 pm! Not the worst - last year after school I went to my friend's house (200 feet from school). Mom called and shouted that it was "dark" already. It was 3 pm and the sun was shining very bright. Do you understand how I feel?

I'm also considered very ugly by Thai people. But then I met my first boyfriend on the internet and when we met in real life, he told me every american would think i am beautiful. I loved him very much. He was everything I could possibly hope for. And I thought we were going to be together. But he had to come back to America. And few months later, he broke up with me. I went all depressed because I felt like nobody in this world was going to understand me anymore. I've been alone all my life. But having him makes me realize how much I loved him and I couldn't forget how wonderful it felt to be with him. I kept crying and crying for more than half a year. I was really depressed. Even though I got therapy and felt a little better. I know the depression would stay with me for all my life