Not an actual story. Story's begin with 'Once upon a time', have fantastic things happen and the hero alwasy triumphs in the end and saves the princess and they both live happily ever after. How many of you have realised how bullshit this is?
I am not a happy person. To start with my parents always hated me. The few times we did talk they made it no secret that I was an accident and that I ruined their lives. They would say things like 'we were happier with out you' or 'you're just a broken condom kid' and that they 'couldn't get an abortion because they didn't have enough money'. All the while completely sober. They didn't hide their resentment towards me. Do you know what that does to a person? Do you really understand the Ontological effects that can have on someone who has been brought up thinking that they were a mistake? (and actually was a mistake?)
So it's time for me to start my brainwashing at the National Indoctrination Institute, or school. You would think, where my home life was hell my school life would fair better? Ha-ha-ha, you silly fool. It was just as worse! The teachers hated me (they would actually belittle me in front of the whole class), no friends (of course that's a givin on this site), and was ugly as sin (and still am). I tried to fit in but just couldn't do it. So I descend through the twelve plans of Hell, each one more worse than the last. Then, fifteen, ninth grade. Hormoines developing and what not. There was a girl I liked. (I was a teenager, you know?) I pine over her for about 6 mounths. Then I decided to do something. I wrote her note filled with all sorts of 'you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen' (I was fifteen. Who had I seen?) and all that bullshit romantic nonsense. I slip it into her locker when I got to school. Lunch time comes around and guess who I see walking up to me? Mind racing, limbs shaking. Instead of all the romantic things I thought would happen she throws a crumbled up piece of papper in my face (my note, no doubt), and starts yelling at me in front of the whole cafeteria who starts laughing at the ordeal. It seems she was offended by my complement. She inturn said that I was the ugliest person she ever saw (and to be fair I thought I was the ugliest person I ever say, myself), and that she wouldn't go out me in a million years. (Looking back I should've said "would you still be avaliable in a million and one years?") So, I'm being yelled at and laughed at. I think I even saw a few teachers chuckle. So, instead of crying or running away, I start to laugh too. I thought the whole thing was funny, my self. The next thing I know I'm being strapped to a chair in the Prinibles office, still laughing my head off. I end up getting suspended for causing an upraor. Well, I never went back. I "dropped out" (more like I stopped going), and doubt if anyone noticed.
With that episode passed I now needed a job. Being 15 and homeless (I ran away from home as well), work was not easy to come by. Eventually I got a job flippin' burgers at a Ralley's. I was just as hated here as anywhere else I'd been. My nikename was 'Ghost' because I was pale. So finally, after five years of flippin' burgers, I manage to get a car and move. I change my name and get an office job. Though the money was good I was still hated, even here. After awhile, I would pack up and move again and change my name. I figured I'd keep moving until I've found a place where the people like me. Well, after six years of this, I've finally given up. I've changed my name so much that I don't even remember what my original name was. I've accepted that I was a mistake. A mistake I aim to fix tonight. | |
I hope that you are still somewhere trying to move on. Eventually you'll find somebody to be with, people that like you.
Read my post. Yeah. AND TRUST ME, JUST BELIEVE IN GOD. I DUN CARE WHETHER U BELIEVE IN JESUS OR NOT, BUT EVEN IF U DO NOT, THERE ARE OTHER GODS IN THIS WORLD. IN TAOISM, THERE ARE guan yin bodhisattva who listens to the cry of the world. Perhaps you may try to believe and have faith in it. It works. Just recite "Na Mo Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa", she will come into your dream. She's one beautiful godness. I can do it, you too!
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