Iowa sucks. My life sucks. It has for two decades now. I keep clinging to the hope that it will get easier and my dreams will come true; but working two crappy jobs and living in the middle of UGLY cornfields (MUD, since it's winter and the retarded farmers tilled it so more topsoil can erode into the Mississippi and/or blow in the wind since there's practically no trees to act as windbreakers, let alone any other wildlife) makes it depressing to go outside in the either too hot/cold/windy/stormy weather.
My jobs suck because I don't have a degree (but then, my boyfriend graduated from prestigious private college suma kum laude ..sp?... and his jobs suck too.) we both work two jobs so we can make enough money to pay our bills and maybe save up to get the hell outta here...until something breaks!!! Ugh! I can't STAND the ppl at my part-time job!!! A bunch of LOSERS!!! why do so many people here use drugs?!? I'm talking meth, not merely pot. 96% uses pot regularly. I wish more random drug tests would occur so these "people" lost their jobs. There's plenty of DECENT people looking for work. Then at my other job, before I got depressed, people were annoyed by me because I'm happy? WTF....why is negativity contagious but a positive attitude just breeds contempt in others and a will to destroy your life?!? I hate people. I hate it here. I want to move west closer to the Pacific Ocean....where people are more like-minded with me (on a good day...)
I work two jobs and I'm STILL poverty level and get food assistance and live in a ghetto apartment where I have to smell my neighbors' raunchy-ass cigarette/god-knows-what smoke. In the winter there was no heat because my boyfriend, who also doesn't smoke, covered the vents so we wouldn't have as unclean air. It still wafted in somehow...so I'd open the windows on "nice" 19 degree days....I have acclimated so I don't need a coat until it hits zero and below.
I entered the Dream Home and tried to focus and visualize on winning EVERY DAY. Obviously I didn't win. Some (nice) guy in Illinois did. I wish I already had a house like him. I wish I could stay-at-home like him. Now he gets money, a car, AND another house.
I'm sick of trying to almost always be a decent person...just so the vultures of the world can swoop down and suck the life out of me at their whim because god-forbid anyone have any joy when they're the scum of the earth, like I am.
People abuse the system, have children they couldn't afford without welfare, etc just so they can be LAZY and smoke pot with their cronies and play videogames. I work hard, I suffer with numerous mental issues and I never catch a break! Everytime I start a job, I hear about the perks they used to have until recently and the ones that are leaving.
This place is killing me. Its dirty, grimy, slimy people and the buzzards that prey on anything decent that's left, the ugly "nature" that is nowhere near its "natural" state that was destroyed by white man YEARS ago, etc. I pray for a plague. If it takes me out with it, so be it. But please let the beautiful creatures endure.