LIFE SUCKS

I feel the only solution is death. Tie a sheet to something and kick over the chair. It's what I'm gonna do soon.

My advice, try to do something with the situation you are in. Might not be the yellow brick road everyone thinks they are supposed to follow, but when you are given different tools than everyone else, you're gonna have to learn to use them a different way. Like maybe you could channel your experiences into art... write stories instead of lying, create songs when you're depressed (singing works.. where do you think the blues came from). Or maybe you could use your experiences to become a great psychologist for others. Or something else, I can't tell you exactly what's right for you, you'll have to figure that out yourself. The key is to figure out something that can take you out of your situation, constructively (as opposed to some type of addiction), and give you some relief. And to focus on the things you do well (or like to do, even if you don't do them well), because your best hope of getting out of your situation, or relieving it somehow.

Please don't kick over the chair, or kick the bucket! I read a survey that found when students don't have enough sleep per night, they are 80% more likely to think about suicide. I see that in myself this month. When I am tired from staying up 'till 2:00 am and getting up at 7:00 am, few things go well during the day. But this week I'll try going to bed early and see if the next days 'feels' better. I know magic is possible, but not through force. You can download free 3d trial/student software that allows you to control or make puppets, (www.luxology.com) or http://youtu.be/tAGnSrdOfyA. I think if you can learn to control a real puppet, your mom will start to relax and understand more. Your journey is just starting, look up when blocks some along. You've done well all the way here.
-Alex