LIFE SUCKS

Hate being me

I had really nice face seven years ago. I had plastic surgery for my eyes. I was 24. I went in to see the plastic surgeon for creases and skin rejuvenation just to keep up the good looks. Well the surgeon told me I will need to have a simple surgery and that will be easy and without any problems. He told me it's a very common procedure. Well I went in nervous with a friend. We both had no idea bout plastic surgery. She also thought it will be ok and wondered how it'll all turn out. ANd the result was horrible. They removed the fat from the upper and lower parts of my eyes... I had this very ugly aged look. I cried and cried. I went back into see them. They said I look just wonderful! ... No I didn't... everyone was thought I had something like cancer or some kind of sickness that I'm not sharing. Few years later I had more horrible side effects. I had lower parts of my eyes showing lot of the white parts. I was so upset. I hated meeting people. I've seen a another surgeon. He told me I need another surgery and that will help the whole thing. I was excited to think it will finally fix the problem. I went in the following week, after the surgery I started to panic. One eye was smaller then the other eye. I wanted to die. I just wanted to kill myself. They told me it will get better. I tried ignoring it and not caring. However people started laughing and staring at my face. I started wearing sunglasses to hide my ugly face. WHich in a way directed more attention to my face. Well I stopped working everything. I felt so low meeting anyone and depressed to see my face. The down side of this is that friends, family, just about anyone even those Who I never met me properly used to always compliment me for my big slanty eyes. And when they see me they straight away look at my eyes smiling and when our eyes meet I can see the shocking stare they give back. I'm so depressed. The make things worse my one eye started twitching with some pain. I went to see a eye doctor. Well he also said I need a eye surgery because I've developed dry eyes. He said I could go blind ... I asked if it will make the smaller eye even smaller he said no. Well again it did. TO MAKE things EVEN MORE WORSe.... half of my face is now twitching and having spasms. I've seen a neuro surgeon. He told me I have some kind of hemifacial symptoms. So I had the MRI and waiting for the test results now. If it looks like I have this problem I need a damn brain surgery.

What else can happen? Life is not living anymore. Who cares even if someone understands how I feel. I'm going through this not them. I'm staying home now 24/7 doing stuff at home. I haven't even been social. My face looks horrible nobody can fix it and now I have medical problems. I just want to die and sometimes I think no it will get better I just have to find a good doctor. I know people might be thinking what? another surgery? yeaH if it'll make me look normal atleast GOD damn it another one yes! but I don't think so. I can't live a normal life looking like this. I can't go out and have people laughing at me and staring at my face. I just feel like a weirdo and not human. Like I said I don't care if anyone feels my pain and understands what I'm going through ... I really don't care... Cause it's me whos going through this.. Most of the time I just want to die and get rid of myself. I'm of this problem. It has controlled my life for seven years now. I can't live like this. I'm home locked up and doing what? THIS! ON NET DOING nothING! and bored and depressed and crying whenever I remember.... I pray to GOD ..... to DIEEE or for a better life with solutions.........