my life just sucks, i thought i could draw and write and stuff but every time i do something i like theres ppl just say its no good and i started cutting myself on my left wrist and i cuoldnt stop and every day i need to cut deeper to feel more pain. And i deserve the pain and 2 days ago i broke my ankle and my dad said i deserved it and that i was ruining his vacation. he doesn't even have to go to work, he works from a computer. and when i go to school everyone just shuts uyp and ignores me when im there..and i feel like such a shit because i can't do anything, just use a knife and if anyone ever found out that would be the end.
I get Bs and acouple of Cs but no my parents expect me to get straight As, and everytime i get a bad mark on somethiing they tell me i can't keep going to that school. My dad especially threatens me and he used to have a temper and hit me, I mean when i was little he used to spank me if anything bad happened, if he had the slightest excuse that I had done anything wrong.even complai that i was hungry when i was 5. and now I feel like i'm going nowhere and my dreamto be an artist is never going to happen. whatever i do i dont want to turn out like my dad. though i am a girl.
And no one wants to talk to me because i am all "quiet" though i really cant talk, because then they'd know. whats going on.and i broke my ankle and i have to find a way to get to school in a week when it starts again and they wont help me my parents just told me to deal with it and i feel like shit. i just cant seem to do anything, i cant write or draw and if i dont make an amazing drawing whenever the situat8on calls for it like in art class, they get all mad.i am not a superfuckingartistwoman. it makes me sick how they can act like nothing is wrong, and expect me to do everything for thenm when they snap their fingers.
and my dad is a fat ass who only felt bad that i broke my ankle becaues it was "ruining his vacation." i now have 13 scars in my left wrist and i just pinch the skin till it bleeds if i dont have a knife. and i cant even walk. i keep eating because it helps but I cant make myself throw it up, so i get fatter. AND WHEN i go back to school, im not allowed to use the computer OR the tv or my iPod (which stopped working) or my cellphone AS usual. i just hate it, everything is shit i mean i can just sit here with my broken ankle while my dad scratches himeslf. i hate it, i can't do anything, i can't do anything except slice my wrist open. and thats the back of the wrist not the inner part, because it takes longer to make a scar so there is more longlasting pain that way.
i know my ankle will heal but it will just be like this for the rest of my life. I am sick and fed up with mself and i cringe everytime i look into a mirror because of the hideous of my right side of my face. i cant even talk to someone normally. i cant even carry on a conversation. i am fucked up. im kidding myself if i think i can draw or write, because i thought i could and some ppl told me and that's what ive been doing all my life, drawing, and now i just can't do anything good enough. the song "sick fuck" by unter null is what i am, i am a sick fuck, because i have to act normal while everyone else in my school swings their Juicy couture purses or coats or WHAatever and i dont care about stuff like that. i really dont..everywhere i go i am shot down by ppls opinions they just look at me funny. I think small children are frightened of a stupid ass ugly bitch like i am. and adults laugh at me. i am a freak and i am sick and fucked up. my life is shit and i dont want to die, i just want to cut my wrist (the outside of it) and nothing ever helps.nothing. it is so dark and cold and love doesnt happen for people like me.