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my life is shit

Posted by anonymous at December 29, 2009
Tags: December 2009  Family  Juvenile problems

my life just sucks, i thought i could draw and write and stuff but every time i do something i like theres ppl just say its no good and i started cutting myself on my left wrist and i cuoldnt stop and every day i need to cut deeper to feel more pain. And i deserve the pain and 2 days ago i broke my ankle and my dad said i deserved it and that i was ruining his vacation. he doesn't even have to go to work, he works from a computer. and when i go to school everyone just shuts uyp and ignores me when im there..and i feel like such a shit because i can't do anything, just use a knife and if anyone ever found out that would be the end.

I get Bs and acouple of Cs but no my parents expect me to get straight As, and everytime i get a bad mark on somethiing they tell me i can't keep going to that school. My dad especially threatens me and he used to have a temper and hit me, I mean when i was little he used to spank me if anything bad happened, if he had the slightest excuse that I had done anything wrong.even complai that i was hungry when i was 5. and now I feel like i'm going nowhere and my dreamto be an artist is never going to happen. whatever i do i dont want to turn out like my dad. though i am a girl.

And no one wants to talk to me because i am all "quiet" though i really cant talk, because then they'd know. whats going on.and i broke my ankle and i have to find a way to get to school in a week when it starts again and they wont help me my parents just told me to deal with it and i feel like shit. i just cant seem to do anything, i cant write or draw and if i dont make an amazing drawing whenever the situat8on calls for it like in art class, they get all mad.i am not a superfuckingartistwoman. it makes me sick how they can act like nothing is wrong, and expect me to do everything for thenm when they snap their fingers.

and my dad is a fat ass who only felt bad that i broke my ankle becaues it was "ruining his vacation." i now have 13 scars in my left wrist and i just pinch the skin till it bleeds if i dont have a knife. and i cant even walk. i keep eating because it helps but I cant make myself throw it up, so i get fatter. AND WHEN i go back to school, im not allowed to use the computer OR the tv or my iPod (which stopped working) or my cellphone AS usual. i just hate it, everything is shit i mean i can just sit here with my broken ankle while my dad scratches himeslf. i hate it, i can't do anything, i can't do anything except slice my wrist open. and thats the back of the wrist not the inner part, because it takes longer to make a scar so there is more longlasting pain that way.

i know my ankle will heal but it will just be like this for the rest of my life. I am sick and fed up with mself and i cringe everytime i look into a mirror because of the hideous of my right side of my face. i cant even talk to someone normally. i cant even carry on a conversation. i am fucked up. im kidding myself if i think i can draw or write, because i thought i could and some ppl told me and that's what ive been doing all my life, drawing, and now i just can't do anything good enough. the song "sick fuck" by unter null is what i am, i am a sick fuck, because i have to act normal while everyone else in my school swings their Juicy couture purses or coats or WHAatever and i dont care about stuff like that. i really dont..everywhere i go i am shot down by ppls opinions they just look at me funny. I think small children are frightened of a stupid ass ugly bitch like i am. and adults laugh at me. i am a freak and i am sick and fucked up. my life is shit and i dont want to die, i just want to cut my wrist (the outside of it) and nothing ever helps.nothing. it is so dark and cold and love doesnt happen for people like me.


Similar Entries:
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By anonymous at 10,May,14 03:23

Life is crap. That is because people are not free to live their own lives. we are all owned. until people quit judging, and just learne to live their own lives peacefully, nothing will ever change. we need a change in mass conciousness or something. I can not take it anymore. fuck this world!

By anonymous, Australia at 17,May,14 22:30

I have no life, i am a hefty guy, i am socially anxious, never had much friends, ones i do have barely call, never had a woman, i have had lame jobs, live at home , always. Sad and lonely, not much a conversationalist.. I drink, i want to quit but have cut down.
i think about killing myself

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By anonymous at 06,Aug,14 23:37

life sucks ass!

By anonymous at 06,Aug,14 23:42

I am, and have been hounded by demons my entire life. My mother is a witch. If I give in to the dark side I will be destroyed. If I don't, well then I am continually tortured. I am pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in dismay, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. Fuck this shit! Can't I die and just go to heaven. Even my faith mocks me. Faith in what? The very thing that persecutes me.

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