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my life is shit

Posted by anonymous at December 29, 2009
Tags: December 2009  Family  Juvenile problems

my life just sucks, i thought i could draw and write and stuff but every time i do something i like theres ppl just say its no good and i started cutting myself on my left wrist and i cuoldnt stop and every day i need to cut deeper to feel more pain. And i deserve the pain and 2 days ago i broke my ankle and my dad said i deserved it and that i was ruining his vacation. he doesn't even have to go to work, he works from a computer. and when i go to school everyone just shuts uyp and ignores me when im there..and i feel like such a shit because i can't do anything, just use a knife and if anyone ever found out that would be the end.

I get Bs and acouple of Cs but no my parents expect me to get straight As, and everytime i get a bad mark on somethiing they tell me i can't keep going to that school. My dad especially threatens me and he used to have a temper and hit me, I mean when i was little he used to spank me if anything bad happened, if he had the slightest excuse that I had done anything wrong.even complai that i was hungry when i was 5. and now I feel like i'm going nowhere and my dreamto be an artist is never going to happen. whatever i do i dont want to turn out like my dad. though i am a girl.

And no one wants to talk to me because i am all "quiet" though i really cant talk, because then they'd know. whats going on.and i broke my ankle and i have to find a way to get to school in a week when it starts again and they wont help me my parents just told me to deal with it and i feel like shit. i just cant seem to do anything, i cant write or draw and if i dont make an amazing drawing whenever the situat8on calls for it like in art class, they get all mad.i am not a superfuckingartistwoman. it makes me sick how they can act like nothing is wrong, and expect me to do everything for thenm when they snap their fingers.

and my dad is a fat ass who only felt bad that i broke my ankle becaues it was "ruining his vacation." i now have 13 scars in my left wrist and i just pinch the skin till it bleeds if i dont have a knife. and i cant even walk. i keep eating because it helps but I cant make myself throw it up, so i get fatter. AND WHEN i go back to school, im not allowed to use the computer OR the tv or my iPod (which stopped working) or my cellphone AS usual. i just hate it, everything is shit i mean i can just sit here with my broken ankle while my dad scratches himeslf. i hate it, i can't do anything, i can't do anything except slice my wrist open. and thats the back of the wrist not the inner part, because it takes longer to make a scar so there is more longlasting pain that way.

i know my ankle will heal but it will just be like this for the rest of my life. I am sick and fed up with mself and i cringe everytime i look into a mirror because of the hideous of my right side of my face. i cant even talk to someone normally. i cant even carry on a conversation. i am fucked up. im kidding myself if i think i can draw or write, because i thought i could and some ppl told me and that's what ive been doing all my life, drawing, and now i just can't do anything good enough. the song "sick fuck" by unter null is what i am, i am a sick fuck, because i have to act normal while everyone else in my school swings their Juicy couture purses or coats or WHAatever and i dont care about stuff like that. i really dont..everywhere i go i am shot down by ppls opinions they just look at me funny. I think small children are frightened of a stupid ass ugly bitch like i am. and adults laugh at me. i am a freak and i am sick and fucked up. my life is shit and i dont want to die, i just want to cut my wrist (the outside of it) and nothing ever helps.nothing. it is so dark and cold and love doesnt happen for people like me.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 30,Dec,09 02:34

Cut yourself all you want, its only going to possibly create infections for you, leave permanant scars and it wont solve your problems. If you like drawing and writing, then DO IT! stop letting people tell you what you can and can't do! do they don't know you, its not their life or their hobby, it is YOURS. the more you listen to negativity from others, the more you will BE it. i have NO idea why you would want to feel physcial pain. what is up with people who cut? what does it do for you? it drives me insane!!! i guess if something bad happens to me, i should get a knife and just start cutting all over my body too. ridiculous!!!

There are parents in this world who just push tooooo hard. getting straight A's doesnt make you perfect or better. Your parents are pushing you down for things they should be proud of. they should stand by you no matter what instead of telling you that your grades are nothing if they arent A's. Don't LISTEN to crap like that! your parents are just very, very lousy parents who obviously need parenting lessons. If you want to be a painter, then be one. who said you couldnt achieve this? who said its impossible? yea it may be difficult to get in and achieve but the harder you work, the bigger chance you'll make it. What other choice do you have? unless you just want to settle for something else that you know you wont enjoy.

People probably don't want to talk to you because youre so depressed and down all the time. and the whole "quiet" thing does have something to do with it, becuase if youre quiet all the time, people will think that you dont want to be bothered. If your parents arent giving you the medical attention you need for that ankle, Go to the princpal or councilor, tell them your problems at home and they will surely get invovled. you belong under the protection of the law instead of being with parents who don't give a crap about you.

as for the last paragraph, go back and read it. if this is what you do to yourself, then you may as well get use to your life being this way. nobody else can give you happiness but yourself.
By anonymous at 30,Dec,09 12:29

It won't create infections and i dont mind scars, thats half of it. And i don't cut all over my body, it is only on the outside of my wrist, not even the inner part. i just felt obliged to tell you because the pain lessens after you break the skin. and what it does for me, it gives me a way to punish myself because i feel so worthless. I am not trying to make you feel sorry for me.

I am only trying to make you understand why it is this way for me, because you say its ridiculous. its like a drug, whenever i feel angry i go for the knife. Its a personal thing and you don't have to judge me for it. because the scars (cuts?) on my wrist are me, how i feel. there is no other way to express it. And if i get very pissed i cant even feel the pain, or i deserve it. Of course it is pain, i am no a masochist. (sp) But what do u do when you are feeling down. some ppl binge, some people listen to music. i cut, and the scars are fine, if I cant hold onto that i have nothing to hold onto.

I am no asking you to understand. but however i do appreciate your words about following my dream of writing and painting..but you cannot tell me i can give myself happiness.
By anonymous at 30,Dec,09 13:09

Yea but you SHOULDNT punish yourself, you have no IDEA how valuable you are. you have so many people around you who are pushing you down and you are letting them! you shouldnt. Somewhere in the bible i believe it says to pull away from people who have bad intentions or bad deeds or it will consume you. thats whats happening to you now. realize that the people who say these stupid things to you, thats ALL they know how to say. they don't know how to support or cheer you on. its always about negativity. you should have a mind of your own and you should be in charge of yourself. sure we arent perfect, but we keep going.

When i was 14 years old, i started drawing because i REALLY want to be a fashion designer, but then i had a very terrible year, my hopes went down and i tore all my drawings because i didnt think i could do it. At age 22, somebody really made me open my eyes and warned me that i should always chase my dreams or i will regret it. Before i was only going to SETTLE for Journalism in college, but thank God someone caught me before i wasted time and money on the wrong degree. I bought a drawing book, some color pencils and other stuff and i started drawing. Now i'm in my second drawing book and i changed my major to a double major, General business and Fine Arts.

Listen, yes there are MANY millions of times where i feel i can't do it, i compare myself to other drawings and look at it with disgust, but i do it anyway becuase this is the oNLY thing i want to be in life, so what other choice do i have besides being a Mcdonald's cashier for the rest of my life? i don't want that at all. i will do whatever it takes to start my own business and be my own boss. its just going to take a dain lotta work. Don't let your feelings get your down becuase thats all they are, are feelings that are temporary and you wake up the next day with new feelings.

And when i'm feeling down about my drawings, i remind myself that there is always help out there. there are websites, classes, books and computers programs that will help you enhance your talents. i want to learn photoshop one day, and other beautiful programs that help me design graphics and other beautiful designs. but until then i'm just going to draw my heart away.

Do NOT listen to people, they do not know you and they have no right to judge what you can and can't do. you are VERY, VERY young, i know school is painful, becuase it was for me. i use to write death letters to myself because i hated it THAT much. i was bullied, there were rumors spread around me that SCARED me. but i survived and i'm a sophemore in college now. ALl i can tell you is to survive!!!!! and understand that there are many people in your shoes.

Try to stay away from your parents so they can avoid saying mean stuff about you or getting mad. remind yourself that this wont be forever, you will only be with your parents until a certain age and then you are as free as a bird to spread your wings when you are 18. this is ONLY temporary.
By anonymous at 30,Dec,09 14:44

thank you, i really appreciate everything you have said because you are one of the only people to do so. what you told me, to just keep drawing, helps a lot. I've been drawing all my life and youve helped me to realize i can keep doing it, no matter what ppl say. so i will keep doing it. and i will pull through. The bible has it right. thank you for all your words of wisdom, you have helped to encourage me. i appreciate it.
By anonymous at 30,Dec,09 16:25

You are VERY, VERY Welcome :)
By anonymous at 09,Dec,11 02:03 Fold Up

The bible is full of poop
By anonymous at 28,Jul,10 17:16 Fold Up

Listen babe I'm sure ur very pretty and ur probibly a briliant artist and I was in a similar place like tht once and I'll tell u wat helps smoke some ganja like just get high coke works really good two but when u dnt have it u feel like shit so just try smoking instead of cutting because fuck other people and wat they think which weed helps with two it's very theriputic nd it will put u in a happy place for a couple hours u no u gotta make ur self feel good wen ur not blessed with happyness thts wat I've learns so I turn two drugs be I'm suprisingly happy wen I was on benzos nd coke everyday I got depresed wen I cut down but now just smoke weed nd do other drugs wen I got a reason ya digg LOL see I be happy be I tried to die but didn't work god saved me
By anonymous at 19,Mar,11 06:18

wHO THE HELL DO U THINK U ARE TELLING A 13 YEAR OLD TO TAKE DRUGS. UR FUCKED UP MAN.
SORRY
By anonymous at 19,Mar,11 06:22

LOOK, IM SURE UR A GREAT ARTIST, SO FOLLOW UR DREAM. DONT LET ANYONE STOP U. IM 14 AND I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND I ABSOLUTLY H8 MY FAMILY. UR SOOO BRAVE COMING OUT LIKE THAT. IF MY PARANTS FOUND OUT I DID SOMTHIN LIKE THAT THEY PROB KILL ME. (SERIOUSLY). BUT JUST REMEMBER TO FOLLOW UR HEART. DO WATS BEST FOR U. AND PLEEZE PLEEZE STOP CUTTING UR WRIST, I NO IM NOT TO TELL U WAT TO DO AND ALL BUT U COULD REELY HURT URSELF ONEDAY. PLEEZE STOP.
By anonymous at 10,Mar,13 15:14

Hi im 14 and I always get called gay and fat even by my dad I really want to kill myself at times or run away my dad is always horrible to me my mum is still alive but is sometimes just as bad just at shouting at me I just wanna live with my grandma because just the other second my dad called me fat so i pushed the door he pushed me over and said he is going to slap me as hard as he can then he said he wants to kill me plz tell me what to do.
By anonymous at 12,Aug,11 17:24 Fold Up

the drugs dont work!!!!! say no to drugs and the fuk wit who posted this ,u infested twisted piece of shit child of a crack whore god didnt save you!!! the devil didnt even want you,so creep back in that sad twisted life you lead and remember "what are you here for"?????????
By anonymous at 02,Sep,11 22:18

you are aware that god nor the devil exists if you are so delusional dont give advice BUT i agree with the dont take drugs
By anonymous at 21,Nov,11 01:37 Fold Up

Yeah sweetie, life is shit. And every fucker around u will make u feel shit for stinking up the place with your complaints. Dont ever ever ever ever blame ur self for feeling shit coz like I said, life is shit. But u will feel better about it one day. And then life will give u more to feel shut about. Maybe more than u deserve. Maybe more than everyone else. But u will still b y at the end of it. Hold on to that thread inside & try to b calm throughout your shit storm. Ps, as an ex cutter, find a tough lacker band & put it around ur wrist & snap it against ur skin in lou of a blade. Coz I bet u feel shit after cutting too hu? Also get some help. Cingnative behavioral therapy is under rated (also meditation). Do what u gotta do for u & fuck the rest of em!
By anonymous at 28,Oct,11 09:06 Fold Up

Why you tellin a kid to drugs? your a fucking idiot
By anonymous at 23,Feb,12 10:04 Fold Up

Lifes shit just gotta deal with it one way or another
By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 14:09

My life is a shit hole
By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 14:11

My brothers always make fun of me punch me and a girl is nearly best friends with mine
By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 14:12 Fold Up

I wish I was dead
By anonymous at 16,Jan,11 18:35 Fold Up

That's basically rhetorical. "don't do what other people tell you to do, do what I say to do!"
It doesn't help to get angry at someone who's suffering you dolt.

I don't want to cut myself when I'm sad, but hell the idea of ending it all sometimes feels good to me too.

I'd say find help to acknoledge your pain and hurt. It doesn't go away with more pain, and I don't think anyone deserves to be punished.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, everyone's going to find a way to deal that feel suitable to themselves. I would suggest recieving help though.
I never would have thought myself the kind of person to go and get therapy, but now that I am going it feels like it is the only thing keeping me together.

Shit happens and we need someone to hear how we feel, not tell us we're wrong. It helps when a therapist just LISTENS. Best of luck friend.
By anonymous at 02,Sep,11 22:11 Fold Up

you see its for attention
By anonymous at 24,Mar,12 08:10 Fold Up

Please dont cut, medication will help, I know!
By anonymous at 24,Mar,12 09:46 Fold Up

thank you for your words. i don't have the same problems like the post says, but i have some others... sometimes i also think that if cut myself, at least i could handle that kind of pain and forget the other kinds of pains... you know? and... you're right: no one can give me happiness but myself. your words blessed me. thank you for that.


By anonymous at 28,Dec,11 18:36

What the fuck is going on with the world?????? YOU LOT NEED THERAPY!!! if your life is shit, guess who's to blame................ hmmmm, let me see........... YOU, YOU DUMB SHITS. You drive your own destiny, therefore if you choose to sit around wallowing in self pity, then you will achieve nothing. Stop blaming others and look at yourselves. And as for self harming, seek help not sympathy.
By anonymous at 24,Mar,12 08:12

You are a fucking idiot!!!
By anonymous at 16,Mar,13 18:07 Fold Up

everyone has hrd times but to say something like that YOU r mental people have problems all the time and if u dont seem to care then y r u still here she only wants some help and u have to go making her feel even worse YOU NEED THERAPY NOT HER GO GET A LIFE!!!!!


By anonymous at 15,Feb,12 14:42

acting like you dont have survival instinct. be smart dont be a retard. kill your parents
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 01:55

Hey loser!! Do you even watch the news? So you some kids can take your dumb ignorant ass serious?? You're so fucking ignorant!! Do you know the FBI can trace your post to you no matter what computer of device you're using? Anyone reading stupid crap like what this fucking stupid lame ass retard needs to realize this is a true hater!! Remember ass holes like this hate, that's their life long goal is to hate!! And guess who the king hater is? That's right, the devil himself, so that's where these clowns get their insperation to hate!! So just let them hate, I promise you that one day the day of reconing is voming and they will all answer for stupid crap this!! Way to go loser!! Just keep hating mother fucker!!
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 19:30 Fold Up

aaa what did you say did you just till someone to kill there mother and father? from what part of hell do you come from? man the devil has a shit load of work for you. if you read the book of fatima it talks about a place where you came from, hell. and about a place you will NEVER NEVER NEVER SEE Heaven. so who is the retard now?
By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 19:58 Fold Up

hay you retard dont be surprised when demons stands out side your bed at night asking you for your asistants. you will not be so fast to tell someone to kill there parents next time.


By anonymous at 28,Mar,12 21:54

DO COCAINE AND BANG PUSSY ALL DAY LISTEN TO OLD SCHOOL THRASH DEATH METAL ITS THE ONLY WAY
By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 21:59

Better still grow up don't abuse yourself. Because of someone else's faults


By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 00:27

try using a rubber band instead this is only temporarty ur life will get better watch some youtube videos regarding cuttin try searching si self hard ect different tags see how most of these ppl regret leavin permamnet scars of a temporary feelin exercise thngs like that help and are good to help u lose weight im 21 not was a cutter hardcore ages 13 to 19 its been couple of years i stopped will turn 22 the end of april on the 24th so i speak from experience good luck


By at 14,Apr,12 18:00

put your pain into your art :) art is life , life carries on ...


By at 19,Apr,12 12:50

Aloha! sxl


By at 20,Apr,12 05:43

Aloha! sux


By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 16:21

if u want to talk


By anonymous at 26,Apr,12 22:30

just do what you want to do and make your future intaresting


By taintedmet.myopenid.com at 06,Jun,12 12:13

Hi.

Don't know if you still post here, or are even still alive as your original post was in 2009.

Your story touched me and I have really felt your pain. I hope you are feeling better.

This is the first and only post I have replied to.
I found your writing to be mature and inspired, purposeful yet beseeching.

If your art is as good as your writing, I believe you may have a bright future in front of you.

Things do get better, life does get easier. We grow and mature, find our place in this life.
Everything has a purpose, if it does not suite you, then seek another.
Live your highest ideal of yourself everyday. Inspire others to do the same.

Never be ashamed of who you are. There are 9 billion people in the world, everyone of them different.
Do not judge or blame. Self acceptance will lead to self discovery.

Treat each as as it was meant to be received, as a present.


By rod at 18,Jul,12 14:33

actually, you are a cunt. What a fucking wimp. manup for fucks sake!


By hoeuniq at 19,Aug,12 14:55

yjeruoxf


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By anonymous at 19,Feb,13 15:03

I'm a fireman I hate my life I've been to war and no one understands me everyone seems to think that my life must be good but I feel lost I was in the army and I've lost so many good friends I hate talking about it and I hate to even think about it but everyone thinks it's not a big deal and that I'm a talking book I can not express my feelings without claiming up cause I was told to keep quite about secret things but who am I supposed to talk to who am I supposed to relate to I'm drowing nothing in my life makes sense I've had certain things drilled into me how am I supposed to open up when I feel I shouldn't . Help me please I've got nothing left I've got so many skills but I've got know drive please help me ! e


By anonymous at 16,Mar,13 18:03

dont feel bad u got to stand up and make a point ur not alone people r there to help to need to find confidence in ursalf and stand pround dont give up life is easy to change expesilly shit lives u should live life how u want yolo
you only life once


By Onita at 15,Dec,13 12:29

I got this site from my friend who shared with me regarding this web page and now this time I am visiting this web site and reading very informative posts here.


By anonymous at 29,Dec,13 18:27

stop cutting it helps nobody just drink like everyone else


By anonymous at 10,May,14 03:23

Life is crap. That is because people are not free to live their own lives. we are all owned. until people quit judging, and just learne to live their own lives peacefully, nothing will ever change. we need a change in mass conciousness or something. I can not take it anymore. fuck this world!


By anonymous, Australia at 17,May,14 22:30

I have no life, i am a hefty guy, i am socially anxious, never had much friends, ones i do have barely call, never had a woman, i have had lame jobs, live at home , always. Sad and lonely, not much a conversationalist.. I drink, i want to quit but have cut down.
i think about killing myself


By anonymous at 06,Aug,14 23:37

life sucks ass!


By anonymous at 06,Aug,14 23:42

I am, and have been hounded by demons my entire life. My mother is a witch. If I give in to the dark side I will be destroyed. If I don't, well then I am continually tortured. I am pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in dismay, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. Fuck this shit! Can't I die and just go to heaven. Even my faith mocks me. Faith in what? The very thing that persecutes me.


By anonymous at 21,Sep,14 04:47

There is no one like you.


By anonymous at 09,Oct,14 19:38

My gf gates me soo much all i want to do is love her but she hates me with a passion like no other all we do is argue she sweats at me like I'm shit and constantly tells me she hates me n don't want t be with me


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