i dont have much to live for, but its okay because ill always have my friends.
on my 17th birthday my father kicked me out of the house, this isnt new news.. ive been in and out since i was 12.. i was homeless, but i refused to leave town becuase i thought that i had too much to leave behind. shortly after, my boyfriend of 2.5 years decided to leave me for a girl he new for a couple weeks. i was devastated. i got sick of living on the streets so i checked into a shelter.. i was supposed to be getting an apartment with my friend but the day we were supposed to get the house, and the day she got me to leave the shelter.. was the day she decided she didnt want to get a place anymore, and i couldnt afford it on my own.. so i was homeless once again. i left town, moved 3.5 hours away from home to live with the only friend that could help me.
a few months pass by, and i decided to go back to my hometown to visit everyone.. this trip cost me every penny to my name, but there are people that i loved so much that i didnt care that it made me completly broke. there are two specific friends i have that i would give anything for, my life even if it came down to it. so i stayed with one of those friends, only to get into a fight 3 days after i was there over the fact that i slammed his car door, which was an accident. he kicked me out of his place over it, so i called my other friend that ment the world to me.. she said i could stay with her.. then she ditched me at some strangers house.
i spent the night looking for somewhere to go, and found that not a single person i considered a "good friend" would even give me a place to crash for a single night. so i had to crash at the strangers house. the next morning i called everyone that ment anything to me to tell them im leaving that evening becuase i wasnt going to go through being homeless again, and i wanted to see them to say goodbye. not a single person cared, no one wanted to see me. i ended up having to call my father for the first time in 5 months and ask him to help me. i waited around all day, and only one person came to say goodbye. the very friend who kicked me out of his place. he was only there to drop off some of my stuff, and he wouldnt even stay for more than 2 minutes. and now he wont even consider me a friend..
it made me realize how little i mean to everyone.. i feel like my heart was broken all over again.. the only difference between now and when my bf left me.. is that i still had my friends to help me cope.. now i have nothing.. im all alone..
so what do you do when you find out that EVERYONE who meant everything to you, dont give a fuck for you anymore?
i dont have much to live for, in fact i cant think of anything i have to live for..