You know, I may be 16, but I have a big heart, and it beats fairly quiet now adays. Everything this year has literally been turned around for the worst, and just ends up hurting me in the end. I dropped out of excellent classes at my school, simply because when I nearly died from pnuemonia and was hospitalized, my school administrators and teachers remained unsympathetic on my workload and I could not keep up with my classes and what we were being taught, let alone keeping strong grades. I wanted to play football after I had trained and worked out all summer vacation, and the coaches told me I wasn't good enough, which added to my dissapointment. After being denied into the football team, I wanted to go to the swim team, which is where I caught a deadly case of pnuemonia and was put in the hospital for several days, they had me on inhalers, and I am never fully going to recover.
I am hated and not cared about at school. Over christmas break this year, I met 3 young girls who lived far away, but they actually cared and wanted to talk to me, the first time in my entire life I felt someone truly cared. I talked to and continued to make efforts to meet with one of them, and did over breaks I had from school, eventually declaring I felt strongly about her as many teenagers do with at least one person at some point. She came to me the other night and claimed she did not wish to continue trying and it would be best to just let "this all go", leaving the one person I thought honestly cared gone and out my life, leaving me here broken. The other 2 girls no longer speak to me, despite me reaching out to talk to them. I never get a reply on anything. I am just ignored.
On top of that, my parents are now constantly away on work, and my mom is being switched from one part of the job to another, and the division she was recently transferred to means she will be traveling all over the country, meaning neither I or my brothers or father will see her often. It upsets her, but there is nothing she can do. I have had to undertake most of the responsibilities of keeping the house up and running, taking care of the animals (horses and dogs) we have here, and trying to keep everything going, let alone myself.
This year has left me broken and in tears, with really no alternative than to just hope something will come along or it will all end soon. But do I believe that? No. I have easily come to the conclusion I am alone, and it is me against the world. Its an uphill battle I am sure to lose someday, because after all the dissapointment, tears, scars and despair I have faced and continue to, I am ready to give up. I am told no college will accept me because I am not in strong enough classes, which again is not my fault because my school dropped me from college level courses which would have gauranteed my admission. My future, my years in high school, and my well being have been wrecked. I simply am ready to just not care anymore, and give up on everything. | |
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