I was born addicted to crack. Was sexually molested and constantly told how I was worthless. I wasted my parents money and was quite often beat. I have always been socially awkward and it has / will never change. I moved around a lot and every single school I went too I was constantly harassed by the "cool" kids / jocks. I ate dirt daily was swirlied etc all the good stuff. Ya laugh it up and fuck you too. I have never fit in with anyone not even the "weird" kids because I couldn't hold a conversation without people just staring at me blankly at the first thing i said. I found drugs andd often did them alone. I couldn't talk to anyone all I could do was stare at the ground silently. Just hoping, hoping one day I might fit in somewhere. There was always crazy thoughts racing through my head. 90% of the time about ways to kill myself. My mom was constantly beaten and would take it out on me physically. One day my step dad decided to take it out on me instead leaving me a bloody mess. Oh and I forgot to mention I never had the chance to meat my crack addicted father. Not that it matters. So I lived on the streets for a while, just alone, cold nights were the worste. I am 18 now and on depression medication which is bullshit because it does not work. I often burst into tears for no apparent reason and have manic freak outs. Everything is pointless. This whole message of useless rambling is idiotic but who fucking cares. Atleast maybe some people will understand. I know there are people out there like me. I hope I can meet you one day. So we can be losers together. For all the other dumb ignorant reatrds claiming we have no reason to be depressed. Sure you feel sad now and then but you have no fucking idea what we feel. I try try try try try try to change be posotive and ignore what everyone says but with no success. I am constantly waging a war inside my head. No matter how hard I try I lose this battle. I cant help but think that every single word I dont hear ( out of ear range) Is a diss on my part. That they want to beat me up or are making fun of me. Severe depression is something you will never come out of... it's impossible. It's ALWAYS there. It takes you over and owns you. So fuck alll the dumb asses saying we have no reason to be sad, you just have never been as low as us. I will probably kill myself soon enough, it sounds so nice. Sure i'm weak, pathetic, a cry baby, a bitch but what do you care? It is the only possible release from everything. I suck at life so I can just be another statistic. who cares, I know you don't.
I know you don't have to go through the things I have gone through to feel this depressed. I know some people are just fucked up in the brain. If your one of these people, well I'm with ya man :/
Here is a quote from a website I found googling "life sucks" that I feel did a really good job describing what we are going through.
We're all trapped.
Each of us is stuck being who we are. Sometimes we fight to change ourselves,but
ultimately this has little effect. We can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are.
If you're a happy person, you don't feel trapped. If you're surrounded by people who you love and who love you, if you can do what you want to do in life, if you are at peace with who you are, why would you ever feel trapped? You wouldn't want to change yourself, you wouldn't need to try.
If you're a happy person, hey, you got lucky! Go back to the previous page, you'll find nothing of interest here.
I am not a happy person. Maybe you're not either. Maybe you're too fat, or too thin, too old, or too young. Maybe you're ugly and nobody wants to sleep with you. Maybe everyone wants to sleep with you, but nobody loves you and it's all meaningless. Maybe your body is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. Maybe your mind is fucked up and you're in pain all the time.
So you struggle with all these problems year after year, and you're getting nowhere, and you wonder if anything will ever change. And the unavoidable reality of it all is that, for you, life sucks.
But of course you're not going to give up so easily, you're going to keep struggling to solve your problems, to change yourself, to find happiness, wherever it is, whatever it is. But still, life sucks.
And you see all these people out there who are blissfully free of your problems, and if they can do it, there must be some way for you to as well. But they aren't doing you any good at all, they don't understand what it's like being you, and what good would it do you if they did understand?
So, the forces which created you, random or otherwise, have spoken. And they've
determined that, for you, life sucks.
That shits from the heart.