So can men smell a needy desperate woman a mile away? That must be why at age 30 I am going to court in 4 days for assault againest me by my ex. This is someone who promised me he would never do what was done to me by my last two relationships.
And it's really pathetic that the only human interaction I have is few one or two male aquaintences who never call me but I call them and I know they aren't impressed with me. But what can you do?
I think about suicide alot.
I tried to join a meetup group but no friends from that either. Just some man who wanted to meetup and "chat". Why am I such an object, and nothing to them?
I can't stand this being alone anymore. I hide. And I run. Is this what life is about? Everytime I try to take a risk socially I get hurt soo badly. Everytime.
The world is so cruel and thoughtless and self involved. And I just want to fix and love everyone. But here I am alone desperate needy and fragile. I can't change. But I am so sick of everyone, mom, male aquaintences, calling me fragile. I guess I am.
I give up. I give in to the sadness. No more trying to smile and stay positive. I give up.
And in my other entry I talked about my schizo affective bipolar mom and what she did to my sister.
Does she care or worried or upset about what is happening with this court date? Did she get upset the past few years when I told her that my boyfriend was aggressive with me? Did she love me? Why in the hec am I worth anything? My mom doesn't think I am so I must not be. She is a cold unfeeling human being.
My male aquaintence friend/notfriend enemy?? told me I am just addicted to self pity. I think I must be.