i am 18 and my life sucks like hell! its a big loop which never ends. all the time either i am at college or sitting at home filling my time with watching movies and daydreaming. i daydream because i dont have enough guts, patience and will to make it out in the real world, and i hate it. i hate how useless and weak i am. i just cant do anything. i cant concentrate, i loose focus. now i have started questioning my existence. i have a social life but most of the time no matter how many people there are around me i feel lonely and everyone seems so out of reach. i have friends but not best friends. i can start conversations but cannot carry them on. i am so scared of watching it turn uninteresting for the other person that i end it.
my life is total bore. i dont go out in the evenings to chill out with friends. i have given up. i just sit back, watch things happen, cry for the wrong that happened to me and then i am back again to watch more and cry. i am always thinking about the past, how good i used to be and where i went wrong. i make excuses to not do things others want me to do. i always need people to push me to do things.
i never had a bf and never have kissed. i do not get into relationships as i am scared that when the person gets to know the full me, he'll not like me. and someday he might fall out of it because i push people too far. how long can a person go for you? more than i am scared of people, i am scared of myself.
i am pathetic and useless and still i cant let go of life and still dream that one day everything will turn on fine. i hate my hopes. they always disappoint me.