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i dont know

Posted by anonymous at April 23, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 April  Juvenile problems  Loneliness

i am 18 and my life sucks like hell! its a big loop which never ends. all the time either i am at college or sitting at home filling my time with watching movies and daydreaming. i daydream because i dont have enough guts, patience and will to make it out in the real world, and i hate it. i hate how useless and weak i am. i just cant do anything. i cant concentrate, i loose focus. now i have started questioning my existence. i have a social life but most of the time no matter how many people there are around me i feel lonely and everyone seems so out of reach. i have friends but not best friends. i can start conversations but cannot carry them on. i am so scared of watching it turn uninteresting for the other person that i end it.
my life is total bore. i dont go out in the evenings to chill out with friends. i have given up. i just sit back, watch things happen, cry for the wrong that happened to me and then i am back again to watch more and cry. i am always thinking about the past, how good i used to be and where i went wrong. i make excuses to not do things others want me to do. i always need people to push me to do things.
i never had a bf and never have kissed. i do not get into relationships as i am scared that when the person gets to know the full me, he'll not like me. and someday he might fall out of it because i push people too far. how long can a person go for you? more than i am scared of people, i am scared of myself.
i am pathetic and useless and still i cant let go of life and still dream that one day everything will turn on fine. i hate my hopes. they always disappoint me.


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New Comment

Comments:
By at 01,May,11 12:51

Yes, your life sucks. Despite the resources life has given you. You know who is to blame? Yourself.

You've become your own enemy. You understand what's wrong with you, and I believe you do have some idea what instead you should be doing, etc. but you just fail to.

Your story is actually kinda similar to my condition, sometimes. It does feel terrible. But hey, guess what: the only way out of it is something only YOU can, have to figure out, and make it work. Even if it's hard, but don't forget that it's worth it.

I believe you need stronger determination, and self-discipline. Stop looking at the past. Doesn't matter whether it was good or not, what matters is you need to constantly keep reminding yourself that right now you're not on the right track, and you need to get on the right path RIGHT NOW. Here's a short, but very effective practical technique that has worked for me mostly: Whatever task or dream you have to achieve, set short-term objectives (which may directly or indirectly lead you to your dream - now that's something you have to decide for yourself) with strict deadlines. If you don't get it done within deadline, punish yourself, somehow. Well, something like that.

I used to be a huge daydreamer and procrastinator. Still am, sometimes. But yeah, it's something you have to cure yourself gradually (you can't become from good-for-nothing to a perfect girl overnight, just have faith that gradual and constant efforts will get you where you want to be) and stay motivated. Good luck.
By noname56.myopenid.com at 04,May,11 18:50

Question for you: You said "don't forget that it's worth it," what exactly is worth it? BTW, my life is very close to of the original poster.

I am a little more understand, a little smarter, not to be arrogant but to give you an idea of how I am. Life is so shitty, i believe it will never change. Life is so unfair, assholes rule and control this planet as they please and for the good people, it is just a huge shithole. So you tell me, life really can't be the thing that is worth it. Life is going to be shitty forever, of course until we get a "good person" to dictate this planet and make it fair for everyone and not just for .000000000000001% of the human population.
By anonymous at 23,May,11 18:55

I agree with Anish and I realise that it sounds like tough love cos I am a chronic procrastinator and a pessimist. If you can't find a reason for trying to be worth the bother then imagine staying in a haze of self-pity indefinitely. Life may not be fair but few of us normal people get anywhere without trying.


By anonymous at 01,May,11 14:31

I didn't have my first kiss till I was 19. I didn't have my best relationship till I was 22. Be patient. Once you get a job you'll meet new people and there will be less time for you to procrastinate.


By anonymous at 02,May,11 10:00

just join the military.. paycheck, you meet life long friends and you have a roof over your head and food in your belly


By anonymous at 04,May,11 01:19

I know exactly how you feel I am an 18 year old man and i just started college. i dont have any close friends and i have never really kissed anyone


By at 05,May,11 21:40

I know how you feel, not like that helps you any. You just always feel alone no matter how many people you are with. You are so scared of someone getting past your "wall" and seeing who you really are. You always pull back when they reach out to you. How long will a person go for you? I have been going 6 months with someone I care for (or atlease did care for). She has hated me and not talked to me for something I am sure I did but have no clue what. I have thought up a million and one possabitys of what I did wrong and no matter how much I try, or how many nights I cry myself to sleep. I don't think she will ever try to talk to me again. The past 6 months have been some of the worst time of my life. Maybe when I go to collage I'll find someone. And maybe I can live up to what she wants me to be, and maybe I can't but maybe that will not matter. I don't know ether. Just remember, there is always someone with the same case as you. Your story proves that with me. I hope you find someone that dosen't care what's on the inside. He just likes you for you. No matter what or who you are.

oh and p.s. I hate talking to people also because I always feel like I am making them uncomfortable. :P


By at 08,May,11 02:42

hi, i just wanted to let you know that your not alone...

this is kinda hard for me to say, im not the best with words, but im just like you. i am 19 years old, and pretty much how you put it, life is hell....

and the loop you were talking about, i am in one too. idk, but i can just really relate with you, everything that you have said is pretty much everything that is me. i have no best friends, never had a real gf, i go to college, watch movies all the time, talking to people isnt hard its just, keeping a nice good, normal conversations is so hard for me, but i watch other people do it all the time and wonder how they can do it so effortlessly .

i dont know if this is true for you, but for me, it feels like im empty, i feel out of place, like i have no purpose. i also feel, this might sound stupid, but it just feels like im the perfect balance, when ever something really good happens to me, something equally and oppositely bad happens to me, and because of that, idk..... i try to stay in the middle, if you know what i mean, i dont wanna do anything to good or too fun because i kno what the consequence is going to be.

i too feel pathetic, useless, and keep telling myself that its not always going to be like this, tommorow will come and maybe, just maybe something diefferent, something better will happend....... but it never does, everything just stays the same, even when it does feel like something new is going to happend, i soon relize that it is and was always just an illusion, just a dream, that i soon wake up from.

i,i too hope, but i dont hate them and try not to stop believeing in them because there all i really have to live for.

idk, but i really want to talk to you, please dont take this the wrong way, but i kind of find peace of mind out of knowing that there is someone out there so similar to me, and idk, talking to you and relating more would probly make me feel less alone, you too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfI4-JYQQ38
By at 08,May,11 02:48

if you want to talk, just leave a reply to this message, and we will figure something out, i would leave my email or something but i just dont want to put personal info out just like that, too un-secure.

i will probly check this post everyday....
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:46 Fold Up

hi. i dont know what to say. someone can actually connect? it gives me more accepting of myself to know that i'm not alone.
i surely want to get in touch with you.
By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:49

makes me more accepting.


By anonymous at 10,May,11 07:55

Hello hello hello.
I'm 17 years old and I feel exactly the same (girl who also hasn't been kissed). I'm also incredibly self conscious and don't like talking to more than one person at once because I feel like everyone is looking at me =/
And yes, I am good at starting a conversation but I often feel as though I'm making the other person uncomfortable or I am in their way. I always feel like I get in the way of people, so I just let the world be without getting too involved.
And yes, I, too, am a huge dreamer. I could spend hours at a time staring out of my window at the stars thinking of my dream (quite literally) when at the same time the one thing that is going to get me my dream is sat downstairs waiting to be handed in to my teacher the next day. Other people seem to think I'm so happy all of the time because I'm always incredibly optimistic about life and stuff, and I act like everything will soon come to me, though at the same time I know that it's not. I never open up to other people and have cried countlessly about different things, most of them being about loneliness and how I'm so scared of the world outside. I have friends, but none are close. I sit at home on the weekend and come up with excuses not to go out anywhere, mostly due to the fact that I'd rather sit at home where I am safe and free to dream about life. It's quite sad really, but I often remind myself that others are worse off and that I should stop being so selfish. My friends give up on me most of the time, and don't ring me that much because I don't answer. And I know exactly how I'm supposed to 'get better': To go out, to not be afriad, to stop being so self-conscious, to put my foot down. Yeah well, it's not so easy, like you know. And I really wish that I had someone to talk to, but at the same time I don't want to open up to anyone. I don't feel like I can trust anybody. I am my own enemy, and it's easy to diagnose. People can sit there and tell you what's wrong with you but it doesn't help- you already know. Personally, I'm using the whole 'university in a year' thing as a way to drive me forward. As if everything is going to change when I get there, but then who knows. It's up to me if things are going to change, not just the environment. It's cool, though. Because the problem could be a million times worse, really. And you're right, things will get better! It just takes time, commitment and a little kick up the backside. ;)


By at 17,May,11 00:15

Hey,

Im 22 yr old guy who lives at home while going to school. I live at home and have a great family support base, was raised catholic(im not pressing anyone here) and really do believe in God. i fuck my life up because Im scared of my potential as well. I get especially lonely at night and surf the internet to try to find solace in the fact that other people feel the same as me but it makes me feel worse. I dont have any friends because I chose not to call them back when they ever called me, and they all just stopped calling. the only people that care about me are my family, and they seem to be more fucked up than I am. My life isnt that bad, but i just hate it. I think Life is bullshit and wish I just never existed. My depression gets worse at night. Watching movies help. This is he first time i ever posted anywhere, and I dont feel better. I am a piece of shit.


By anonymous at 21,Jun,11 05:43

Try not to end conversations with people but keep them going because not everyone will find it boring. I am so shy that when people talk to me i give one word replies, but i really wish they would keep talking because the more people talk to me the more i feel i can say to them, but remember it's important to listen as well.

Also spiritually, weakness is a blessing in disguise, because our weaknesses help us to depend on God-
2 Corinthians 12:9 And He [God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The bible also signals the importance of focusing on the current day, not on yesterday or tomorrow.
MATTHEW 6.24:Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
PHILLIPIANS 4.4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
PSALM 118.24: This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.


By anonymous at 06,Oct,11 06:30

hi. i posted the original one. i've tried anything and everything and it still dosent get any better. i dont know if it will get better. i dont get motivated anymore.
and i'm sorry for everyone else who feels the same way. i really do hope that it gets better someday for all of us.


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