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POSSESSION (its just one part of my terrible life)

Posted by DanLONER at April 29, 2011
Tags: 2011 April  Attitude  Childhood  Religion

My life is screwed very badly. I am 16 years old and been possessed.Yes it's up to you to believe it or not. Seriously I was possessed. I am only 16 this year. I was possessed since last year dec. I am a singaporean and in my country, most of the people believe taoism or buddhism. When I say taosim, it's not the philosphy thingy. I mean it is TAOIST DEITY, TAOIST GOD. I know you americans are so ignorant to think that taoism is just a philosophy but it is more than that. okay. During hungry ghost month, in the lunar calendar which was around september in 2010, I accidentally kicked the offerings to the spirits and ghosts at the roadside. In the hungry ghost months, all the ghosts and spirits from the hungry ghost realm in hell are released and we have to offer them joss paper and joss sticks and foods at the roadside and we pray to them. AND I KICKED THE OFFERINGS. AND WHEN I KICKED IT, THERE'S WHIRLWIND AND I KNEW THAT SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. But everything seemed fine for the next few days. Until a few weeks later, I was possessed in my dream. Yeah the possession was really really terrifying. I can't really remember what actually happened clearly but I remembered I suddenly woke up, then couldn't move at all, then I convulsed heavily then felt extreme coldness and soon everything went into haze. Then what I was trying to do was to call god for help by chanting bodhisattva guan yin name which are "Na Mo Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa". Yeahh. Then I woke up and wore all sorts of gods amulets and thai god rings etc. Then I did extremely badly in school which caused me to repeat another year in high school. Then from the day I was possessed till around dec, I couldn't concentrate at all in my studies. I only know how to think of deep things. I thought that i was a thinker or philosopher. I thought that was part of growing up into a mature adult. But it went haywired. I started to think of stuffs so deep that I almost went insane. My mind couldn't STOP THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That it's like I would be breathing so heavily everywhere and PEOPLE WERE SO FKING AFRAID OF ME. I WOULD FREAK THEM OUT COS i DUNNO WHY(AT THAT TIME I STILL DIDN"T KNOW I WAS POSSESSED), it was somehow like a devil in me with ugly voices coming out when I talk. My face, my emotions are all FKING SCARY. Take for example in the lift, once the lift door open, the other people seeing me would be totally freaked out. I mean like they would get a SHOCK and just jumped or want to run away. i became EXTREMELY FKING VIOLENT AND MURDEROUS. I destroyed all my furnitures at home, including cupboards, fans etc. I would scream so madly that the whole neighbourhood could hear me, but i just don't know why I would do that(no reason to get so angry). Well my mind was like thinking(heyy kill this fellow over there, kill my mother my father, burn the house, kill as many people as you want and you will gain happiness.) I really bought a knife and went insane at home. I was sleeping on the bed right beside my mother, when I suddenly went mad and took out the knife that I hid under the pillow and stab around the bed literally. MY MOTHER WAS SOOOOOOOOO SHOCKED. I chased after her and wanted to stab her. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, I HAVE NO REASON TO DO THAT!!!!!!! It's like I hated everyone and thought that people tries to harm me or want me dead or something and the hatred was extremely bad!!!!!!!! And take one more example, when I was riding on my father's motorcycle at the back, my mind kept telling me to overturn his bike and my hand was shivering and ALMOST get both of us killed. ANd my mind was thinking "WTF??WHY THE HECK DID I THINK OF THAT????????????????" Everything was so violent and my parents thought I am affected by some baddies in school or something, until one day, they decided to bring me to a doctor. The doctor say I had psychotic disorder. But I find that I have more than that, like SEVERE personality disorder, borderline disorder and ALL FKING SORT OF ILLNESS COS I MYSELF WAS TOTALLY MAD!!! I COULDN'T really control my thinking and my body would just get me so damn violent!!!!!!! I was about to lose touch with reality. AND OH YA, just to add on, while getting violent at home, i would just unknowingly spout out in chinese " I AM A DEMON!!!!! FK THIS WORLD"...something like that and I thought that it was myself who say something out randomly. I thought my life is FKED cos with so many illness. MEDICATIONS did not help at all. It only got worse. Until one day, my grandma came back from malaysia and she said that I was probably possessed or something. So, she took me to a taoist god in trance to save me. The taoist god immediately help me with exorcism and within 3 mintues, it's over. I became normal with no social problems or anything. No violence until now. Everything calmed down. The god say it is demonic possession. I almost died from it.

NOW I SHALL TELL YOU CHAPTER 15, WHICH IS WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD, GRADE 9 IN HIGH SCHOOL. At the start of grade 9, everything seemed pretty great. I was the vice president of my activites in school, nearly attained a taekwondo black belt, smart and yeah my high school is the most prestigious top school in singapore, i mean really. I thought that my year would be bright. I shall go straight into my story. First off in around march, I had my crush sooo deep that i cry for her everyday because I see her around with other guys. The whole of march and april in 2010 when I was 15 was all about crying and giving up my heart for her. I felt the wrenching pain when I saw her being so close to another guy. At that time, I had buck tooth(didnt have braces at that time, now I do), quite fat, and it affected my self esteem. The people in that group of friends hated me a lot and I was always the outcast. Everything just go wrong for me. It's like each time whenever I talk to them, they would just have the face of ignoring me and I feel so hurt. That was just a small problem. In around mid april, I had SEVERE TEEN DEPRESSION. I guess it came because of all the stress from leadersip post to lost of crush and studies and maturing too and with all the difficulty socialising with other friends. I didn't have any energy to play with others or talk to them. I became a loner. I was asking god everyday when would this shyt end. I nearly killed myself many times. This happens from April all the way to september and I was really lucky that I didn't die. You know all those rejections from friends was horrible, I am just too lazy to type it out. Remember that I had REALLY SEVERE TEEN DEPRESSION and at that time I COULD ALSO NOT LOOK AT PEOPLE INTO THE EYE AT ALL!!!!!! LIKE FK??!!!!!?!!!! I WOULD FREAK THEM OUT COS IT'S LIKE I AM LOOKIG THROUGH THEIR SOUL OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SHYT. PLUS I WAS UNFIT PEOPLE HATED ME. MY RESULTS DROPPED LIKE MAD FK, I FAILED EVERY SUBJECTS THAT I TOOK, TEACHERS WAS SHOCKED AND I WAS ONE OF THE LAST IN WHOLE LEVEL AND I RETAINED. the school gave me another chance to retake the examinations as they doubt that i have limited abilities, but I failed again because I really couldn't help it but couldn't concentrate cos I have been through too much shyt. Around dec when I was 15, I had psychotic disorder, SEVERE personality disorder and it ended up possessions from demons. You know, there were several times where my parents want to send me to police station and get me behind bars, especially my aunt as i threatened to kill her due to psychotic disorder(which is possession). That was the shyt.

Now chapter 14 of my nightmare. When I was 14, things seemed great again at the start. I was good looking, handsome, great, cool, tall and have got quite a lot of close friends. I was even made a prefect in school. Well everyday with a nice tie on makes me look pretty handsome and cool. I had great self esteem at that time. Until...I was made the parade commander and I shook my leg due to nervousness and the whole audiences laughed at me. I couldn't put my head up from then on. You know that kind of embarassment for a 14 year old guy is way too much???? I was asking god whether it is just one test for me to test whether I am someone who could take on difficulties for a better future as I would do great things. The second time as the parade commander, I boosted myself and tried to think of all things that could make me feel no nervous. The second time, it happened again, even worse. MY SELF CONFIDENCE WAS REALLY REalLY LOW. I became the school joke. I didn't want to be the parade commander again and after lots of struggling, I decided to quit prefect, but it was a wrong decision made. EVeryone would bully me because I quitted and they see me as failure. Everyone in my class who at first respected me say nasty things to me almost everyday which make me feel like breaking down and cry but I knew I must not do that. I want a bit of my pride. Even my seniors bully me. They sort of like want to gang up and pin me at one corner and bully me. Everyday seemed like hell and I tried to pick myself up by being arrogant. And since then my character is screwed. I have this arrogance each time and I try to change it but I can't. I therefore become someone being bullied at a corner.

Chapter 13, when I was 13 years old, I was a nerd. People hated me and they bully me to the extent of punching me. They often call me blur kind and nerd. I was the isolated one and at that time, I thought that would be the worst year of my life, but look at now, which is worse?


Similar Entries:
untitled story February 1, 2011
Waiting May 15, 2012
Forever alone. November 29, 2011
Hate them all March 11, 2012
i have lost everything January 13, 2012

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