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I Am Ashamed Of Myself(Please read the whole story)

Posted by anonymous at May 1, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Health  Juvenile problems  2011 May

I am a 13 year old black girl turning 14 in November. I hate my body and everything to do with it. When I was little, i was diagnosed with eczema so I had a scratching problem with my body. when scratching my body, marks started to appear all over my arms, legs, and everywhere else. Of course I am still ashamed to go to school because I have all these scratch marks everywhere so I try to cover up my whole body when it's possible. But that gets difficult in the summer. It gets really hot and then i have to wear short sleve shirts. I guess people notice them because they never say anything when they see them but have this disgusted look on their faces. When Im in school people always ignore me when i pass by. I feel like a complete nobody and have a really low self esteem. In all of my classes I just sit alone because no one wants to partner up with me. At the last resort, I have to go up to the teacher so he can partner me up with someone. Even in the lunch room I sit between 2 girls but they hardly talk to me. I had this really good best friend but she just moved to New York a couple of weeks ago so now i feel like a lifeless body just not supposed to be around. Like im not supposed to exist, just a useless girl. Every day i feel like crying in school cause i have no one to talk to. I have it so bad that every monday i have to go in with the Social Worker to just talk and play games with 3 or 4 other girls(because were like social outcasts). Every time i think of how i have to cover up my arms during school and basicly everywhere, I always shed tears(sniff):(


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Comments:
By anonymous at 09,May,11 19:42

I know it's hard being different, especially at your age. You just want to fit in and be liked. However, its more important for you to learn to love and accept yourself. When you love yourself your confidence will grow and you will naturally make friends. So it isn't about your classmates liking you, just focus on feeling good about you. Try using some skin lightening cream on your scars, apply morning and night. It may being help to fade your scars. Good luck and hang in there.


By anonymous at 09,May,11 23:16

I have rosacea on my face, but I guess its easier to cope more for guys than girls.
By anonymous at 09,May,11 23:18

also I have a few psoriasis spots on body but meh, it comes and goes, your at an age where your body is still growing not stable yet, give it some time. Usually after you pass your 2s, it gets better.
By anonymous at 09,May,11 23:18

20s*


By anonymous at 10,May,11 02:09

Hahaha you are so cute


By Ash at 10,May,11 07:40

Hello,
I recognize myself in your story.
I have eczema since the age of 2.
Don't be ashamed of yourself, you don't have too.
Those who don't understand are idiots.
Your body will change during puberty and it may go away. :)

Teenage life is hard but hang on, it will make you stronger.
FIGHT GIRL ! ;)


By anonymous at 10,May,11 15:14

i had psoriasis/eczema over 25% of my body & UVB treatment made it go away completely after 3 months.


By anonymous at 11,May,11 21:03

I have had the same condition you have since I was little girl and did the same thing, I am a blck woman and felt the EXACT same way you are feelng now. So at 27 I'm going to tell you something I wish I learned at your age. Its a bigger deal to you than it is to anyone else. Meaning, if you appear to not give a fuck about your appear and actually have confidence and fun, I PROMISE you other people won't. The majority of times strangers don't notice or will even put emphasis on a flaw like this unless we have put major emphasis on it. Not saying they won't notice it or wonder what happened, but if you are being yourself, and doing what teenagers do they will accept you and like you for who you are. With your relationships at school, its more about your personality and lack of selfesteem that may not be attracting friends to you & not your eczema. What you are doing is you are letting the appearance of the scars define who you are. You are blocking the real you from emerging out of fear and shame, buty these are your thoughts alone.


By anonymous at 11,May,11 21:18

Continuation of last post....In the summer time I would come up with skillful tactics to hide my marks. It 90 degree weather I would wear erykah badu braclets all the way up my arm to cover my marks so I wouldn't look stupid wearing long sleeves. Going to an black college I was able to get a way with it. Everyone thought I was afrocentric when I was just really a master concealer. in highschool I would wear stickers to cover some marks and wrist bands creating new trends and fashions. Id always get braids in the summer making them extra long to cover neck and back scars. To this day I can't wear anything with my back out or any sleeveless shirts. I was fashionable and I covered up. I used to buy makeup and concealer spend so much money but it got everywhere and I rather someone see a mark than see that I failed at covering it up. This shaped my life and I accepted guys and relationships I didn't have to because I thought I wasn't worthy of a good man. I can send u a pic of how marked up my skin is and then send you pics of the gorgeous men I've had that's seen the marks, and they were all good men. So you don't have to settle and be this nobody that only you are making yourself be. You are not your skin, and I could get into the whole religious aspect of it, but that's another book. When you display confidence in you, people will follow.


By anonymous at 11,May,11 21:28

The only reason people think and act towards you like you are a usless nobody, is because you really think you are a useless nobody. If you felt and acted like you were a somebody, that's the way people will start to treat you..but hey its growing pains, but you will learn soon enough not to put too much emphasis on what people think. Everybody has a flaw, hell just read all the post here. You will soon learn what really matters in life and the physcial appears of eczema scars, doesn't fall under that category dear. You have the wrong attitude..your attitude should be this is me, I love me, I accept me, and if you are too shallow to not accept me over some scars, than you aren't worthy of being in my circle and I know the only reason you can't accept my scars or can't look past it is because you are one of those people that the only way they can like themselves is by downing other people. Hun every bully is a bully because that is their attempt to like themselves and its a failed attempt. But you're young, and u will soon come across enough people to see how they take their misery and life bitterness out on other people.


By anonymous at 11,May,11 22:05

omg don't be sad theres worse things happening to people. you know/! i hope you can cope. :)


By anonymous at 11,May,11 22:16

Eczema is a cronic condition. So even if you get the tattoos, the bleaching cream, the make up and all of the other cover up assecories, it can still come back and depending on some situations it can stick with u forever along with the marks, so focus more on readjusting your outlook and focus rather than the appearance of your skin itself. In addition, this when I had the same phobia you have it escalated into a mental condition. The black marks became darker and permanant due to the skin picking disorder I developed rather than the eczema itself. For a long time I blamed the eczema when I discovered that the eczema caused the outbreak, but my compulsive skin picking were the reason for thr dark spots. Its an anxiety disorder that I developed around 13 due to allowing the eczema to define who I am. If you feel you have you are picking at you skin a lot (which will make the original scar darker and bigger) google compulsive skin picking and there is a book and literature for it. The ealier you attack it the more control you have.


By anonymous at 11,May,11 22:27

Girl go to a dematologist. They will give you cortaid to the fifth power. Betam/lubrid and another one that starts with a T..tri something, clears the rash up over night, at least within 3 days. And they will give you some itching pills. Just tell your mother to make an appointment with a dermatologists and they will hook you up. Even if your parents don't have insurance there are free clinics that will take you and write a prescription for you. And if that doesn work, go to the store and get cortaid. They have so much over the counter stuff for eczema now, just ask the pharmastists. So many people have it, nothing to be ashamed of. Also warm short showers, always lotion, and use clinical deodarant and dove soap


By anonymous at 15,Nov,12 02:21

hello, don't be like that.
you are still you, don't hate yourself..
everybody has good and bad side. they just don't know about your good side. I suggest you don't think about it, just socialize with them like other friends.


By crorkz mattz at 15,Jan,15 21:08

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