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Life sucks; I hope I had never been born

Posted by anonymous at May 4, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  2011 May

Guys please read the whole story otherwise you don't understand my miseries and I think my life really sucks. From the nursery I was living with my grand mother as there were no good schools where my dad and mom used to live. So, I lived with my grandmother up to 3 grade. Then my father left for another country to get more money. Then I got a chance to live with my mother for 4 grade but I was a rambunctious child so she use to beat me with the sticks,sometimes she has put a lighted matchstick on my skin and sometimes put red pepper in my eyes so that I could listen to her. Anyways even that could not control me. So, she joined me in some residential school in 5 grade. From that day onwards I am still living in a residential school even though I am studying Undergrad now. Even though this doesn't look like a great misery but according to psychologists I have missed love which children receive during their growth and I met my father after 10 years and even today I could not form a good relationship with him. I mean I could not express my personal experiences and feelings until today. I have come to know that I have social anxiety disorder which made me to form less friends and believe it or not I have never hanged out(may be 1 or 2 time) with my friends until today and my age is 19 now. I could not even form strong relationships with my friends or with my parents(mainly father). I couldn't even find a girlfriend because of this disorder as I try to talk to girls,my heart pounds and hand sweats,become nervous(More than normal). Because of this disorder I could not go out to swimming which is my favorite sport as I feel nervous going out to new places and new persons. Now whenever I see some photographs of some guys having fun, I am getting depressed. Weaker relationships with everyone makes me feel that I am seperate from everyone and I don't even have courage to suicide as my parents are dependent on me. I hope someone kills me. Even I work hard on my education I was never great in education.So, I am like a failure in everything. The only time I feel good is when I watch some inspirational movies hoping that something good will happen in my life also. I almost cry once in a week from my childhood and I feel very bad when everyone says that I am very silent.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 12,May,11 10:12

hey dear i can understand any child who misses basic support from family is ought to grow like this.its not your fault.You know nothing can help you except you if you start to believe in yourself,but as said that is the problem to have that self belief.So i would suggest you should really pray.You know one thing ,you should stop being trying to get upset.Whenever you feel nervous just no you are not alone ,everyone is nervous its just how well they can hide it.All you should do is stop being feeling that you could be made fun of.If you could conquer this feeling of stop being mad fun of nothing in this world can make you scared anymore.And yea buddy know one key thing in life communication is the key factor without communication there is no life so if you cant communicate this feeling of lonliness and fear will be your forever.

So go out and start fighting yourself because you are scared of no one else but yourself..feel it ..fight it..win it!!

All the best buddy boy..


By anonymous at 13,May,11 17:13

This is all your family's fault. Blame them.


By anonymous at 13,May,11 18:10

The devil is a liar. Try JESUS CHRIST.


By anonymous at 13,May,11 18:12

You've tried everything else, but have you tried JESUS?? I mean really gave everything to God. Stopping everything your doing and start seeking Him, praying, reading the Bible, going to a JESUS name church, have you really tried it? Try it and if it doesnt work, the devil will refund oyur misery.
By anonymous at 02,May,13 12:20

liar


By anonymous at 13,May,11 20:53

My life is worse than yours. So get over it dude


By anonymous at 15,May,11 04:06

So you were abused / abandoned as a child which caused you to suffer from depression / social anxiety disorder. What can you do? Stop living in the past, improve on your self confidence, work towards a better future.


By qjaMTvHYC at 31,Dec,15 06:36

K8PFiO


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