Guys please read the whole story otherwise you don't understand my miseries and I think my life really sucks. From the nursery I was living with my grand mother as there were no good schools where my dad and mom used to live. So, I lived with my grandmother up to 3 grade. Then my father left for another country to get more money. Then I got a chance to live with my mother for 4 grade but I was a rambunctious child so she use to beat me with the sticks,sometimes she has put a lighted matchstick on my skin and sometimes put red pepper in my eyes so that I could listen to her. Anyways even that could not control me. So, she joined me in some residential school in 5 grade. From that day onwards I am still living in a residential school even though I am studying Undergrad now. Even though this doesn't look like a great misery but according to psychologists I have missed love which children receive during their growth and I met my father after 10 years and even today I could not form a good relationship with him. I mean I could not express my personal experiences and feelings until today. I have come to know that I have social anxiety disorder which made me to form less friends and believe it or not I have never hanged out(may be 1 or 2 time) with my friends until today and my age is 19 now. I could not even form strong relationships with my friends or with my parents(mainly father). I couldn't even find a girlfriend because of this disorder as I try to talk to girls,my heart pounds and hand sweats,become nervous(More than normal). Because of this disorder I could not go out to swimming which is my favorite sport as I feel nervous going out to new places and new persons. Now whenever I see some photographs of some guys having fun, I am getting depressed. Weaker relationships with everyone makes me feel that I am seperate from everyone and I don't even have courage to suicide as my parents are dependent on me. I hope someone kills me. Even I work hard on my education I was never great in education.So, I am like a failure in everything. The only time I feel good is when I watch some inspirational movies hoping that something good will happen in my life also. I almost cry once in a week from my childhood and I feel very bad when everyone says that I am very silent. | |
So go out and start fighting yourself because you are scared of no one else but yourself..feel it ..fight it..win it!!
All the best buddy boy..
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