I call my life the anti-life.
I am 40 yrs old and have always had very, very few friends, and a lot of time none at all. The ones I do have kind of tolerate me more than actually like me.
No one ever chooses me, but hangs out with me if everyone else is busy and they're bored. Even my family. I'm never invited to anything, parties, showers,weddings, even the stupid sales parties to buy candles and whatever. I spend most of my time sitting around alone and wishing I had something to do, even just to go to lunch with someone.
I've been in bad relationships with whatever man will have me (alcoholics and slackers), and am in a loveless marriage (on my husband's part) based on him wanting US citizenship. He's told me he's going to leave as soon as he can.
On top of all that, I'm ugly (as people have told me)and suffer from bipolar depression, with a lot of times feeling suicidal or paranoid, anxiety, and I have pretty bad arthritis. As a result of my illness, I have very little energy or motivation and find it very hard to get basic things like paying bills, my job, etc done.
All I want is one child and a reasonable good relationship with a man, but it looks like neither of those are going to happen. I don't know what I'll do when my parents die and I'm alone with no friends OR family.
Life sucks. Period.
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The part I can't relate to is being with a man who doesn't love you and is openly using you. It sounds like you have low self esteem. There's somebody for everyone and I'm sure there's somebody out there who will love you and consider you attractive. If not, why not be single? There's nothing wrong with being single; that's better than being in a bad relationship. You're wasting your time with this loser when you could be looking for someone who can actually give you what you want. Remember, if you don't love yourself how can you expect someone else to love you?
I have joined several clubs over the years and made friend, as we already had common interests.
If you have a hobby, there is a club somewhere that supports it. If the club does not work out, quit and join another.
Another poster mentioned you have to love yourself: I would add you need to value yourself too.
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