I call my life the anti-life.
I am 40 yrs old and have always had very, very few friends, and a lot of time none at all. The ones I do have kind of tolerate me more than actually like me.
No one ever chooses me, but hangs out with me if everyone else is busy and they're bored. Even my family. I'm never invited to anything, parties, showers,weddings, even the stupid sales parties to buy candles and whatever. I spend most of my time sitting around alone and wishing I had something to do, even just to go to lunch with someone.
I've been in bad relationships with whatever man will have me (alcoholics and slackers), and am in a loveless marriage (on my husband's part) based on him wanting US citizenship. He's told me he's going to leave as soon as he can.
On top of all that, I'm ugly (as people have told me)and suffer from bipolar depression, with a lot of times feeling suicidal or paranoid, anxiety, and I have pretty bad arthritis. As a result of my illness, I have very little energy or motivation and find it very hard to get basic things like paying bills, my job, etc done.
All I want is one child and a reasonable good relationship with a man, but it looks like neither of those are going to happen. I don't know what I'll do when my parents die and I'm alone with no friends OR family.
Life sucks. Period.