eversince i was little i have always been let down by people, my dad passed away when i was 2years old and i guess i never got over not remembering him im now 19 years old and i thought i had a best friend and we knew each other for 9 years combined he was always with me and we did almost everything togather i thought i would never lose him until the day i heard his mom screaming i then found out he had committed suicide, its been 2years since his death and i still havent come to terms with it.
as for my other best friend well she has a boyfriend whos a total jerk, i moved away from my hometown after i finished my schooling but i still try to keep in contact with my friend.
i love her alot and i miss her dearly but her bf doesnt want us to be friends cause he thinks that i take up to much of her time we barely communicate any more and im finding it difficult to be happy. Every time i call her she comes up with some excuse not to talk with me.
i have taken up to cutting my hands again, i honestly just cant deal with the stress anymore. i need to get out, get out of this life.
normal people pray to god for a healthy life i on the other hand pray for death i pray that god gives me Cancer or some illness thats a death sentence i feel so depressed lately all i think about is me dieng.
i wish upon stars that god sees my torture and takes me to him i would love to be dead instead of being here on this messed up Earth where all you get is pain and heartache.
i have nobody to talk to cause no1 will understand, i sit here right now and wish i were dead.
i dont know why i have been cutting myself so often but i guess its cause the physical pain is much easier to deal with than the emotional pain.
thanks for reading this