LIFE SUCKS

solitude

hello world, am 17 years old my life too is mainly loneliness, depressing, and boring. Ever since i started high school my life has turned into a empty box and i feel like a waste. I cant even remember the last time i was happy.Am now a senior and am about to graduate in 2weeks and still my life isnt what i expect it to be. I never had a bf neither and its kind of depressin becuz most of my friends have a bf. I feel pressured into being like my friends. am totally different from my friends i must say...am more mature and into life, the small things that my friends dnt notice....theyre more of being too grown and going to parties,clubs, and getting high and drunk and having sex. ME i rather go to borders and read a book or go see a movie or go take a walk in the city and go shopping or try things i never did before. however I have this battle with myself...i have very low self confidence and low self esteem. I pretty much think tht everything is impossible for me. good things never seem to happen to me and i feel....unlucky. I find no purpose for me to be walking on this earth and most of the time i think suicidal thoughts. I sometimes even try cutting myself...its nt a good thing but i figure it will make the pain go away...am a big cry baby i do cry abt my life and this person tht i am...i'll start by saying am very serious abt everything, i get angry easily and put my anger out on other ppl. I cn get pretty mean and i dislike myself for tht...i think i do tht becuz deep down inside i feel alone. its the worst feeling becuz am the only child and am home alone on a daily basis. my mom is always working so she doesnt get home till the evenings...my life is jus goin 2 school and then home...am so tired of it...i hope tht all this changes wen i go to college...i want to change and love me more and enjoy life...