I used to a good student, great work ethic, punctual, etc. However, over the last 3 month, I fell into despair, I started growing tired of life in general. I didn't want to get up and do anything in the morning, I missed more classes this semester than my whole high school and first 2 years of university combined. My grades went to hell, I lost interest in workout and video games. I have never missed an assignment in my life, sure I scramble to do them in the last minute, but never missed them intentionally. I just missed 3 assignments this week, plus a midterm test which I know I failed since I didn't study one bit. I used to love to cook, but ever since 2011 started I didn't go to the kitchen once. I also developed insomnia and suicidal thoughts. I feel extremely angry and vengeful just by looking at happy couples or groups. I also started looking up suicide methods and school shootings. I find no motivation to do any of my tasks. I even started to dream of leaving university and live in the Arctic.
I'm 21, 6'6, 200 pounds, studying in electrical engineering undergrad program. I from a middle class family, both parents still alive, I have a little sister who's 7. I currently live in a dorm, im one of the few who has no roommate because he is never here. (Down stairs in his GF's room for the last 8 month). I do not smoke or use narcotics at all, I only drank once every 4 month, no more than 2 beers each time. I never been to a bar or club. No GF since I had no motivation to find one.
I longed for the days when Im happy I finished work early, felt good after working out, and played video games with a smile and laughter. Compare to now, I feel like a waste of space. The only reason I didn't remove my self now is I dont want my sister to grow up and know she had a brother that committed suicide.
If thing dont work out in the next few month, im gone.