LIFE SUCKS

my crappy life

i have a horrible life. when i was born, i almost died. now im mentally slow and i have cerabral palsy, a rare disorder that affects 0.1 to 0.2% of children. it fucking sucks! it effects the way i talk. i cant talk right. i sound like shit on the phone which might be why hardly anyone ever calls me. it ruined my social life, which i will talk about later. my life was good until my best friend ever (at the time) moved when we were 11 and i havent seen her since. im 15 now. my life sort of went downhill when i started middle school. when i was in 6th grade, these girls that were my friends hung out with me, then, they started treating my like shit for the most retarded reason. i cant even remember what it was. then, they started ignoring me. in 7th grade, a few of my friends would never talk to me anymore. i would have to go to them. i know that sounds clingy, but for gods sake! i lost my best friend just 2 yrs ago at the time. i felt like my only best friend was a girl named jessica.

on the 1st day of summer break, my mom told me that she and my dad were separating. they divorced in october when i was in 8th grade. 8th grade was better for me, but the last day of school was the saddest day of my life. it was the last day i saw my friends. our house got foreclosed so we had to move to this shitty town called livingston. its a country town and it takes 20 mins to get to town! plus my friends from round rock arnt here. i was going to go to a brand new high school in round rock, but theyre building a new one here and its awesome, but not nearly as awesome as the one i was going to go to.

i met this really nice guy in livingston. i have a huge crush on him, but i just heard that hes in love with someone thats moving here soon. when i found out, i was crushed. my heart was broken. i think i mentally fell on my face. he said hes not ready for a girlfriend though. he might be ready now. i really dont know what i would do if he had a girlfriend. i feel like i love him sometimes. i would do anything for him, including dieing. he just doesnt understand. he knows i like him, but he has no idea what i would be willing to do for him.

at church on wednesday, be doesnt notice me at all unless i say something. i have friends at church, but i just dont have the social skills to do the things we do there. we play games and hang out, then we worship, then we do bible study. yeah, our youth paster is really cool. i fucking hate my shitty social life. i dont have a life and i only feel like i do when im at wednesday night church.

i fucking hate it when motherfuckers say life is good. its such utter bullshit i want to slap them. im just bored shitless with my life. theres nothing to do in this crappy town. the worlds supposidly ending in 35 minutes. im excitied and dreding it at the same time IF its going to end. i just hate life and wish life as a teenager was easier.