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One BAD choice is ALL it takes!

Posted by anonymous at May 22, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Health  2011 May  Mistakes

I am a 26 year old that had everything I could want and threw it away with one stupid choice. I married the man of my dreams four years ago and we had a great relationship. I had a great career as a nurse in the operating room. We travelled, went out frequently, had disposable income, great sex, etc. I also was active and worked out by running, dancing, doing pilates, and yoga which kept me in great physical shape. I never really had a desire to have children because there were many things that I thought I could do instead. I became a tad bit bored with life as it had become routine, and had been under intense pressure for years by family, friends, and co-workers to have a child. I began to doubt myself and think that maybe I wanted a child and that this final "missing piece" would fill in life completely and it would be a great addition to my family with my husband.

I had the baby and everything came crumbling down. First, when I gave birth to my baby I found out that I have crappy pelvic connective tissue. What does this mean? It means that my uterus, small intestine, and large intestine prolapsed down and tried to fall out of my vagina. It was horrible, my insides felt like they were constantly going to fall out (like beind slowly eviscerated everytime I stood up or did anything but lay down). I constantly felt discomfort and pressure like I was falling apart. Due to this condition I couldn't be active and work-out, poop, have sex without pain, and work as a nurse due to lifting restrictions and standing restrictions. I had to wait five months to have the surgery, and I had it three months ago. I can poop now, but I still feel like my insides want to fall out and I can't be active because of this discomfort. The doctors basically told me I am as fixed as they can get me, and maybe someday the feelings of falling out will go away (depending). How can I spend the rest of my life feeling like my guts are falling out of my vagina?!! Oh yeah, and sex still hurts too. I am also on lifelong restrictions from the surgery and I cannot lift more than 30lbs, run, work in the operating room anymore, and do many of the work outs I used to love. I am out of shape now.

Secondly, turns out I was right when I thought I didn't want to have a child, and the pressure to have one from society in general was a load of crap. I HATE being a mom, it does not fit me. I respect my baby, but don't want to raise him. I cannot stand the boredom. I feel like a caged animal. I want to give my 8 month old up for adoption, but I feel trapped because my family and husband would hate me for this. I want him to have a family that actually wants him. It would be fairer to both of us. My marraige took a major hit because now we don't have the free time and money we did before. We also have huge medical bills from my surgery, physical therapy, therapist, etc related to my recent health problem.

I wish I was dead, but every time I go about attempting suicide my husband stops me. I listen to him because I love and want to be with him too, but I don't think he will accept that things will just never be the same again unfortunately. I cannot believe that I screwed up my great life, beautiful body, and youth to have some child that I don't even want because I was pressured into it. I had no idea that having a baby could be so devastating and horrible. When will this nightmare end?!


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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Why it's always like this ? February 17, 2010
When your out doors nobody understands March 31, 2012
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This Sh*t Sucks May 22, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 03,Jun,11 14:14

"I cannot believe that I screwed up my great life, beautiful body, and youth to have some child that I don't even want because I was pressured into it."

I could be wrong, but you sound like a shallow and spoiled bitch to me.

Many people don't have the chance to go to college, or get married, or have kids. Many people do not have disposable income or have great sex.

Where exactly was the part that made your life bad? A medical condition? Your own decision to have a child?

I'm sorry for your condition (I have many myself), but I think you should give the child up for adoption because you seem unfit to raise him. From your description, you sound like you only care about yourself and your appearance.
By anonymous at 05,Jun,11 01:58

Actually, if you read the narrative, you'd see that all of those things that you attribute to being "spoiled" the author attributed to "having everything." The author had everything, and was happy, until a single event turned "everything" into "every possible problem." You sound like an illiterate, uneducated wind-bag. Have some sympathy, idiot.
By anonymous at 18,Dec,11 17:12 Fold Up

wrong
By anonymous at 18,Dec,11 17:32 Fold Up

Have another kid Faggot
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:43

The only Fag I see in here is YOU
By anonymous at 26,Dec,11 01:19 Fold Up

leave her alone... dear god she's being honest... leave her be!
By anonymous at 11,Feb,12 16:13 Fold Up

That's wrong she's not a bitch and she should just deal with her husband and family and control her life and do what SHE wants to do.
By anonymous at 29,Nov,12 02:55 Fold Up

exactly right


By anonymous at 03,Jun,11 15:04

what the fuck is wrong with you bitch you have to understand that you dont matter anymore all that matters is the baby you cant just say "oh i thought it would be a good idea but now that its not ill just give it away"
you have to want a baby you cant just think "im so bored oh i know a baby will solve all my problems" and stop trying to commit suicide you stupid bitch theres more to life than having a good body
By anonymous at 05,Jun,11 10:30

Unfortunately, people like you are the most likely to have too many children...and I think that's why this world is so screwed up. Please get spayed or neutered.

She said she was PRESSURED from all angles to have children. Now her health is at risk! It's morally wrong to pressure people to have children. Can't your pea-brain comprehend that?
By anonymous at 07,Jun,11 23:21

i hate people thinking that thier lives have to revolve around their children. this is bullshit thinking. the world does not revolve around the child.
By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 12:26

Actually, you retarded dullard, your world is supposed to revolve around your children. Does that mean you show pictures of your stupid kid everywhere you go or tell others with stories about their exploits when no one cares but you? No of course not.

But as a parent your life revolves around your kids, and if it doesnt or isnt going to, then you shouldnt have become a parent to begin with.

You know what the kids whose parents lives dont revolve around them grow up to become?

Criminals
By anonymous at 18,Dec,11 17:12

Wrong
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:38 Fold Up

Like you
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:39 Fold Up

Like you
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:44 Fold Up

You are the criminal. Bugger off to your moomy boards
By anonymous at 11,Feb,12 16:15 Fold Up

True thts true kids whose parents dont pay attention to them and who dont love them end up as bad people and criminals with no friends. I know some ppl like that and I feel bad but its all cuz of their bitchy parents.
By anonymous at 18,Dec,11 17:12 Fold Up

Wrong
By anonymous at 18,Dec,11 17:33 Fold Up

I love when dumb people talk
By anonymous at 26,Dec,11 01:23 Fold Up

She bought into the life script that YOU kind of people cram down people's throats... I could have been her. I feel so much compassion for her. She doesn't want to be a mother. So many women feel like this... but can't be honest for the lynch mobs...
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:42 Fold Up

Leave her alone


By anonymous at 05,Jun,11 20:06

Well you are an adult, not 14. I don't let people pressure me into having children, because I don't want to. It seems like you're either incredibly weak/non-experienced or you like to pass the buck. People make comments, but noone really cares about what the hell you do with your life.

But whats done as done. You cant be all that in love if you aren't happy to have a child that joins you and your so called lover. You have no faith that this kid will be anything, because none of the struggles you face seem to have been worth it in your mind. Its wrong to keep a kid (or have a kid) too keep someone in your life. If you were in love, why is this child more like a hate child? Whats the point in living and good sex if you and your lover will die and have nothing to carry on.... you're not the end all be all of existence, quit acting like it.

You have the opportunity to have the greatest friend and advocate in this child, this person may be the only one who loves you unconditionally. What a gift. To be able to teach and nurture someone to know the things you know. Its an amazing gift. Yeah it tore you up. But keep healthy and you will overcome it.

Enjoy the time you have with your child. Its such a wonderful thing. But if you truly cant handle it or don't have the heart, give the child up now before you break its heart.
By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 12:35

"Whats the point in living and good sex if you and your lover will die and have nothing to carry on"

So by your thinking everyone who doesnt have kids is living a worthless life???

Yeh thats the answer, everyone that can have kids just have them so we can move to actually having to kill each other for the meager resources the planet produces for our survival.

FYI, that kid you have isnt the end all be all of existence either, it will inevitably die one day as well, as we all will. And one day, this planet will as well. So whats your point?

You shouldnt be having kids by the way.
By anonymous at 26,Dec,11 01:41

I was adopted. I love my parents more than life itself. But then I guess everything cancels out because I'm not their DNA... How shallow you truly are.
By anonymous at 11,Feb,12 16:35 Fold Up

It's not bad to have kids. I think she's over reacting a bit and she's being selfish. But if she's that sad about ruining her body she should just give up the baby before he gets older and she breaks his heart.


By anonymous at 27,Dec,11 16:02

fukin die
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:37

Why would you post a death threat???
By anonymous at 02,Feb,13 10:41

Don't feed the trolls!


By anonymous at 29,Dec,11 20:01

Welcome to parenting. If you didn't want a kid you shouldn't have had one.

But you can't go back in time, so your choices are:
1.Give him up for adoption or
2.Learn to be a mom.

Your family and husband will be devastated if you give him up for adoption? You've just described your life as a miserable
nightmare. I think it's worth it. The family and husband will move on eventually. You are a mom for good.
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:46

That is what is making her miserable... omg... duh


By anonymous at 31,Dec,11 06:42

BITCH!
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 10:50

Is this my ex-boyfriend? :)


By anonymous at 16,Jan,12 12:57

you are a selfish cunt. that's it.
this is selfish bastards like you that make me afraid of all the women.
I couldn't even imagine to have a slutty bitch like you in my life. poor husband
By anonymous at 22,Jan,12 06:47

I can see you are a DEEP thinker... If you would be willing to expand on your conclusions in an articulate manner then I would be more than willing to listen. LOL
By anonymous at 01,Feb,12 14:58 Fold Up

Wow... you just took cunt to an all new low. I'm not sure how you can look at yourself everyday without going blind form the sunshine that you seem to think comes out of your ass.

I most certainly hope that YOU face the same comments and reactions to your own personal conflicts and strife as you've given to others.


By anonymous at 26,Jan,12 08:00

It is my humble opinion that instead of listening to any of the comments of regular everyday STRANGERS, you would certainly benefit from some serious mental health intervention! Suicide? Can you say post partum depression? People say and do things they truly regret later when life is too overwhelming and I think this is certainly true with you. Go to a counselor or a doctor...there is no shame in this...dont be rash, take your time and then make decisions that you CAN live with. Good luck to you


By anonymous at 30,Jan,12 23:45

omg. i am so losing hope in humanity. everybody has an opinion and thinks it is "oh so important and is the ultimate truth of reality." YAWN

wake up people. the poor lady is upset and has a right to be. she was satisfied with looking and feeling good and having good sex etc. Her life and her honest feelings!!!

choices have been made and the outcome sucks AS SHE PERCIEVES IT.

however, i would suggest to the op to make the best out of the situation. and it is fine to be upset. everything affects everybody differently. you haven't done anything wrong, so their is nothing to feel guilty about. so parenting isn't your cup of tea, i totally get it. give it up for adoption or realize that once the kid starts talking etc you might find you truly love the individual as their personality developes. right now your body as you knew it is gone. that will take some grieving. and currently a baby to many is just a needy pooping machine. it is hard to love something that you can't really interact with. i personally think all kids are pretty dull and boring until they reach the age of 4.

just don't do anything cruel to the child and all will be fine. sleep easy. like many have said, you and your child will die. the fact you can't have great sex or the fact that the child will be a criminal (haha) won't really matter in a hundred years.

i have realized that life for most is pretty much a complete empty shit hole with a few good moments. just kidding. but honestly, life can't be taken seriously. everybody dies and it can all go to crap oh so quickly. make the best of it or not, either way there is an unavoidable exit...thank god for all of us. this life on earth is probably a stepping stone. it's just first grade imho.


By anonymous at 01,Feb,12 15:05

I am sorry that things seemed to have gone down the shitters. In all actuality though, i have to agree with another commenter regarding the postpartum depression. I have a friend, very similar sounding with the exception of all the physical activity. She was very excited about having a child until it happened and she got postpartum. She did try to kill herself several times, but things have stabilized and she is breaking out of that shell more and more. If you haven't looked into getting some help for the depression then you might want to reconsider.

Don't get me wrong though, I have no intention of reproducing on purpose and would feel very similarly if my wife got preggers. The good news it's only your problem or 18 years. Although I'm going to guess that by the end of it you'll have a completely different outlook on your life and how things have gone.

I wish you the best even if it always seems to look like the worst :)


By anonymous at 07,Feb,12 21:58

There are so many barren women that would love to be a mother. Obviously, you are unfit to be a mother because you only care about yourself. Please put your baby up for adoption. The baby deserves a life in which they are loved and put first.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 01:42

Right because the system is so great and all the kids are placed in loving homes with fit parents. GET REAL.


By anonymous at 04,Mar,12 15:54

give that kid up or your going to raise a monster


By anonymous at 10,Mar,12 05:14

At least you actually got to experience that good life before your health problems started. I never got that chance. I'm 26 also and I've been living with similar health problems for many years now. My biggest regret in life is not being able to experience any of that.


By anonymous at 12,Mar,12 15:57

Maybe try writing a book or trying to speak about the large role and responsibility it does and really should take to have and raise a child, and how our modern society seems to minimize this and pigeon hole everyone into having kids, even if they're not a good match for this huge responsibility?


By anonymous at 12,Mar,12 15:59

I guess in other words, turn a bad thing into something good.


By anonymous at 15,Mar,12 07:31

I don't understand why people are having so much sympathy for you.

You are 26 years old, you are supposed to be capable of making your own decisions. You choose to have a child (nobody forced you), and now you are complaining that you have a child. I don't get it. I mean, we all do things that we wish we hadn't done, but we have to face up to them and take responsibility. Isn't that part of being an adult?


By anonymous at 26,Mar,12 05:59

hope for the best but u shouldnt have had a kid


By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 22:39

I am a woman in my late 20s and I feel for you. I am so sorry about all you have gone through. It's understandable that you are so depressed that you don't want to live.

I wanted to specifically mention your baby. I don't have kids but I am living with a man with a young child. I have had a horrible time getting used to the child and have felt tremendous pressure to bond with and even love this child. People can get on their high horse about others not feeling motherly feelings, but until they have experienced that horror of trying and just failing to feel love... they should keep their awful words to themselves.

So my heart aches when I hear about women who aren't able to love their children.

I wanted to say: it is OK to admit you don't love your baby. The circumstances under which he came to the world... it's no wonder, it's like he was the harbinger of trouble.

But don't give up on your partner, your relationship, your life yet. People can come out of the trauma, YOU can eventually begin to love the baby. Get someone to help you get you some counselling with that. Things can get better.


By Renei at 08,May,12 18:12

You should have thought over it more before having a baby. It's a huge responsibility to have a child, and you never know how much money it could cost. You shouldn't have let others pressure you into having a child. It's your own decision, you have your own mind, and you can't let anyone change that. If you were bored with your past life, you shouldn't have had this baby. Maybe you should have switched jobs, chosen a different recreational activity or something. But unfortunately, you can't go back and erase time... it's time to have a family meeting, and discuss what's the next chapter in your lives. This will help and I know. My family and I have had numerous family talks about changing our life perspective. All of those talks had worked, so I think you should have one too. I wish you the best of luck with your baby boy, and I hope you get better with your vagina problem.


By anonymous at 29,Nov,12 03:02

You should ask your husband divorce you and take custody of the child. You obviously are not fit to raise children nor do you deserve to be a parent. All you care about is your image and your career. You are a typical selfish bitch. It is actually quite difficult to come across someone unlike you, i.e. marriage material.


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