Well i don't know why im here really, i think i just want to get things off my chest. I am 21 yr old male, have no friends whatsoever , and 90% of the time just wishing some kind soul would end my life. I had a best friend up till about 14, then he went off and found some new friends, all the people i went to school with were very immature, took drugs or smoked, so i went off on my own. 7 years of not having a single friend, sometimes i feel fine about the rest im suicidal. Im just too much of a coward to end my life. I have 2 sisters, one is beautiful and we all know that is all you need to have a massive number of friends, my other sister is young , beautiful and intelligent, and has plenty of friends that she has plenty of things in common with from her grammar school.
I am the embarrasment of my family, i feel so ashamed when my Mums talking about the successes of my sisters, i have done nothing with my life still living at home, my typical day is sleep, work, drink alone at home, and when sick of being at home ill go for a random drive somewhere. Ive had girlfriends on and off but its hard work when you have no friends and zero confidence, on top of a severe lack of personality. I sit at home every weekend night just wishing i was out partying with a group of friends, meeting women, but i know i will end up at 40 yrs old eating takeaways every night of the week, drinking alcohol, watching tele, thats if i ever feel brave enough to move out of my mum's house and gain some "independance". Reassuring to know, as bad as it sounds, im not the ONLY one out there.
I have not put a foot wrong in life tbh, always treated people with respect, never been in trouble with the police, actually too soft for my own good doing too many favours, yet i get all the shit that life can throw at you whilst theres druggies, thieves and down right nasty people out there with amazing lifestyles.
Sick of it, but thanks for letting me get things off my chest i do actually feel a little better about it now.