I suppose I'll begin by saying that I'm 15 years old, and a guy. Ever since I was younger, from second grade, I would constantly get picked on about how I acted or talked. They called me gay, or a woman. I knew I wasn't. I know I'm straight. I suppose it's because I wanted to be a singer.
I still have a passion for singing, but my mom doesn't think so. She doesn't think I'll make it anywhere in that area, so she tells me that straight up. I can't even sing around my family because I'm afraid my mom will judge me. I love my mom, and we're close, but she is really hurtful when it comes to being so upfront.
A lot of my friends say that I'm a great singer, and I should try out for things. But my self esteem is so shot. I'm in the choir, and I do solos, and I take lessons but that's as far as I go.
Also, I'm fat. I'm not obese. I'm just not fit. I want to be healthy, and masculine and strong. And toned like everyone else. I've only had one girlfriend. Probably because I'm fat and short. And not that good looking. There are so many guys that are so much better looking than me. I'm just... there.
I am quite smart. I won many awards at my elementary graduation, but ever since I came to high school, I realized that there are... as usual, much more people smarter than me. I don't have anything that I can be truly BEST at.
Also, my depression has been really getting to me, and everything I do. I used to have a best friend. One that I could do anything with. We were so close, and I could tell her many secrets. But then she started constantly nitpicking everything I do that bugs her. She eventually stopped talking to me, and refuses to make up with me. Now I feel so hurt and unsure of my other friends. Will they use me, and hurt me like she did?
I tried finding new best friends, but they eventually found someone better, and just hung out with that person.
Now I still hang out in the same area as all my other friends. We all still occasionally talk (except my ex-best friend and I), but I feel like staying there is like being stuck in a cage. I'm too afraid to leave my old friends that won't give me the light of day, for fear that I won't find better friends, and they won't want me back when I come back.
Life truly does suck.