I woke up this morning and did not like my life very much at all. I thought like I always do of ways to get out of it and into a new one. I have been having the worst dreams here lately and if they aren't really scary they are despairing. I dreamt last night about my dehibilitating high school experience. It was awful. I graduated in 94, a long time ago but the walls of that place echo through me. I hear sermons, self help lectures and all about how we need to let it go. Who we were in the past has nothing to do with who we are today and I totally agree, but you have to depend on having enough spirit to pull you into the present.
I read all these stories on this site and feel so bad for the people who post. I hope most of them are real because these are some hard times you are all facing. Your stories affect me personally. I don't think half of you know how great you really are to have endured the things that you have. I wish there was some pill we could take to snap us out of it and help us recognize our own worth. I always felt like I was being narcissistic if I put too much thought into knowing how wonderful I am so when the thoughts came into my head I shut them off. Now they don't even work anymore.
Life is so boring sometimes. Even though there are a million things to do. Finding the drive to do them is another thing. I have been off the grass for a week almost and I don't feel like doing anything. I roll off my couch around noon and don't even have the energy to sweep the dog hair off the fake wood floors. | |
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