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alone&sad

Posted by jan.tour.com at June 5, 2011
Tags: Friendship  2011 June  Loneliness  Philosophical

I am 45 years old and have spent most of my life being alone. I meet people all the time and they seem to want to be my friend but when I associate with them I find that they contribute nothing toward the friendship and expect me to do all the work. Consequently I end up feeling exhausted and used, then the so called friendship comes to an end because I ask them to contribute to it; for example I might ask them what they want to do, so that I don’t have to make all the decisions. Or I might ask them when they are going to cook me a meal after I have cooked 5 or 6 meals for them. As a result they begin to avoid me and I feel used. Now days I have pretty much given up on people because they are just too selfish, but I feel very lonely.


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By anonymous at 02,Jul,11 06:22

It's the way the people are. Most of people do not like making decisions. However, you can try organizing them. Don't ask them, just tell them what to do. If you want to organize the meal, don't just cook yourself, give small tasks to everyone - someone should make a salad, someone bring meat, someone should bring a wine etc. Just an example, fit this to the situation. If they cannot do even that - they worth nothing, but in most cases people just can't make decisions, but happy to participate when they are told whato to do. Small catch, though - you should not tell people to do what they are unable or don't like to do.


By anonymous at 02,Jul,11 08:11

Why don't you just pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and eat your friends. He was lonely just like you and eat their flesh so that they could permanently become a part of him. He did this to around 12 different young men that he liked and still maintained his job as a chocolate factory worker up in WI. He is even in heaven now as he is a born again Christian.


By at 03,Jul,11 12:12

My guess is that no matter how much a friend does for you, you're going to return more so that you can continue feeling superior to them and being the victim. I am sure that you are superior in the ways of doing. Of course if you were really interested in doing, you'd be volunteering your time in which you would be with a bunch of other doers...but then of course you couldn't say that you are the only doer. For personal relationships, don't expect. As long as a person is interesting enough to have a 5 minute conversation with, leave it at that. If they happen to do something for you, the return the favor...but don't do more than they did...that only feeds your self-pity, which is your greatest enemy.


By anonymous at 08,Jul,11 17:23

I agree. Most people are users. Its very rare to meet a person who isn't trying to get something from you. In the future when you meet people don't volunteer to cook meals and do things for them. Once you begin a relationship that way the other person expects it all the time. Instead go out for a cheap meal and split the bill 50/50. That way you won't feel used.

I tend to keep my guard up and wait until the other party does something for me before I'll start reciprocating. Its very sad to say that, but I used to be like you and often ended up feeling used. This world is cruel to kind hearted generous people because there are so many people out there who try to take advantage of others. So now I keep my guard up... self preservation my friend.


By anonymous at 23,Sep,11 16:45

I think if you had lower expectations of how friendships should be or how others behaved, you would be able to have stronger bonds with people, because honestly you seem like your heart is in the right place.

No one is perfect, but that shouldn't mean you should stop being a good friend to others, just because they aren't being as thoughtful or as giving as you.

true love/friendship should be given freely with no expectation of return. I think if you just changed the way you looked at people, and forgive others, you would be a lot happier.


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