I am 30 years old and have had a life of experience and yet one I wish I never had. I can take responsibility for my actions any day of the week but I will not for things I have done nothing wrong for. My life begins with the typical parents fighting all the time and watching the abuse first hand at the same time trying to stop it even though I was 5. This continued on for many years until I was 12 and they divorced.
After the divorce I began to get into trouble finding ways to release my anger and pain on the world and I did a great job finding any reason to fight and doing pretty good at it. As time goes I find drugs and alcohol hoping I would fit in and relieve the pain and anger. Needless I was neglected growing up and always having bad luck on top of my stupid choices makes a rough life. I have been in and out of institutions from juvenile to jail to every damn prison in my state except for one. I have friends die from suicides, car accidents, drug overdoses and some other crazy stuff. I have been stabbed in the back so many times that I have learned what to look for and it happens but not as much. I have had cops, judges, and etc. about me to keep me behind bars. When I was 19 my third felony I was charged with statutory rape for sleeping with a girl who said she was 16 but really was 15. Because of how my state is they give you 28 months for that offense based on criminal history but also when they send you away you they dont tell you about this thing called conditional release of 5 years in which they can make you do as well. So, there goes ua huge portion of my life no prom, no college, no nothing, I get called names such as child molester and etc. But thats not the worst. A year after I was done with it all I was accused by my girlfriends cousin of molesting her 9 year old daughter. What a shock I almost felt like the world had really done me in because these days no matter guilty or not if you are accused then you are guilty. I spent 6 months in jail declaring my innocence and believe me I dont know how I got through that. But I told myself and everyone else that no matter what I was going to trial to tell the truth and declare that innocence in front of the world and if they find me gulty at least I held my guns and stood by the truth not taking a plea cuz I don have money or a good lawyer in fact I had a court appointed one.
I went to trial and needless to say I won. I was ecstatic that I cried. For once things went right but at a cost. People dont care that I didnt do this of what I was accused of or that these people lied. I cant get a job around my town I have lost most of who I thought were my friends, I am afraid of the world cuz I dont know what someone will do next. I hate to wake up I hate breathing and I cant even cry my emotions and my mind are all fucked up and for the past 2 years I am just an empty shell. I want to die everyday I dont drink or do drugs but I still hold on to God and to people like everyone on here that something must come from all this hell we go through. I am a survivor and have been for most of my life I have had people want to kill me cuz of other activities I was involved in and I have heard and seen things I want to forget. I use to workout all the time and be fit and I mean I was in great shape and I was artistic all of which has fallen from my grasp since I have been through what I have. But I still believe there is hope and I struggle everyday to maintain the vey breath of life I have been given. To those in pain and suffering HOLD ON! If life sucks so bad you want to give up and has taken everything from you dont let it take the one thing that you have complete control and power over. There ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE JUST LIKE YOU WITH MORE PAIN THEN THEY CAN HANDLE. To those who read this know I do care and my heart goes to all you who struggle believe me I know of pain.
I have left out many other things which I could talk about that are crazy and have damaged me but I think everyone will get the point with what I have told so far.
Please dont ever give up life is so precious.