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i just hate it

Posted by sm190113 at June 13, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Friendship  2011 June  Sexuality

i hate my life, it's as simple as that
2 years ago i realized that i'm bisexual and i tried telling my mom only to find out that she's homophobic and thinks being gay is just wrong. so we kinds just let it go, i was scared to bring it up, still am. so I've been in the closet since then and let me just tell you that it gets really lonely and claustrophobic in here. it also doesn't help the fact that i have no friends what so ever so i never have anyone to talk to about anything. now when i get depressed i cut myself, but I've been trying to stop and i haven't in about 2 or 3 weeks. which i think is the longest I've gone without cutting since i started.

i mean i try to make friends but i can't, i'm not that talkative and it takes me a while to let someone get close because in the past whenever i let someone in they just end up leaving without ever looking back. I've always been the i'm-just-hanging-out-with-you-cus-i-have-no-one-else-to-hang-with friend, or i'm-just-using-you friend. so it's really hard for me to trust anyone because of that another thing is that people seem like they wanna be friends with me but when it comes to hanging out after school i never get invited. i'm just the lone loser.

plus my low self esteem doesn't really help, i try to move on and look to a better future but it just keeps getting harder everyday, especially when you keep getting shot down.

oh i forgot to mention, things have also gotten so bad at a point when i though about suicide so now I'm just doing whatever it takes to get out of this shit hole of a home and looking forward to a better future. hopefully i'll make it

till then i just hate my life.


Similar Entries:
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Do I really hate my life or I just bored ?????? July 22, 2011
i hate everything and don't know why February 16, 2012
Life effing sucks. July 12, 2010
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New Comment

By anonymous at 11,Jul,11 05:47

i dont think you are bisexual. By what you have written its pretty clear you are gay. Your mothers homophobia has rubbed off on you. you need to accept yourself before you want others to accept you

By anonymous at 11,Jul,11 09:40

Disown your parents and start a new life with your lover. You probably will be happier. The definition of gay is happy. You can wear rainbow colours and march in parades. Just get the hell out of the south or wherever there are homophobes and come to New York or California. You will be welcomed there.

By at 11,Jul,11 16:49

don't let the thoughts of suicide overwhelm you and control you - you are not alone - thousands and thousands of people have considered suicide only to find later that they are very happy they didn't take that step. Your hole may seem deep and dark - but, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and with a little push, you will begin to see it. Never forget you are not the only one and are not alone...

By anonymous at 16,Jul,11 09:34

Quit with all the labels. I do not like homosexuals, but I tolerate them. You are not gay, bi or anything else. Quit labeling yourself according to you sexual preferences and people may start to like you.

By anonymous at 29,Jul,11 11:19

okay i've been through a lot that you've said. only under a little bit of different circumstances. i've cut myself multiple times mostly because of my past but you have to control the feelings of having to go to that. but to the person who first commented... you never, ever tell someone that they're gay. they have to figure that out themselves or they will either deny or say "i am" without ever knowing for sure. but as i was saying just be you. don't let anyone have a say in who you are. i did and it was the worst mistake. now i closet all my emotions and have dark secrets i don't know if i'll ever be able to share. anyways good luck and you are who you are.

By at 23,Aug,11 10:32

Hey you sound like i used to sound.
i kinda realised that you gotta quit moaning, it gets you no where, you got to stop moping stop thinking about killing yourself cheer the fuck up and try and be someone people like to be around.
I hear ya when you say that being in the closet is claustrophobic i coulda wrote that line myself. I would say talk to your friends about it because they're brilliant support and will help get you through.
but you say don't have any it sounds like you do have friends at school but you just gotta make the move people probably think your not interested in them, say do you fancy going to see a film or something? once you've done that the ball starts rolling and suddenly you have friends. :) hope i helped.
and self acceptance sure makes you feel more confident :) it ok to be you I bet you're awesome.

By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 17:04


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