i hate my life, it's as simple as that
2 years ago i realized that i'm bisexual and i tried telling my mom only to find out that she's homophobic and thinks being gay is just wrong. so we kinds just let it go, i was scared to bring it up, still am. so I've been in the closet since then and let me just tell you that it gets really lonely and claustrophobic in here. it also doesn't help the fact that i have no friends what so ever so i never have anyone to talk to about anything. now when i get depressed i cut myself, but I've been trying to stop and i haven't in about 2 or 3 weeks. which i think is the longest I've gone without cutting since i started.
i mean i try to make friends but i can't, i'm not that talkative and it takes me a while to let someone get close because in the past whenever i let someone in they just end up leaving without ever looking back. I've always been the i'm-just-hanging-out-with-you-cus-i-have-no-one-else-to-hang-with friend, or i'm-just-using-you friend. so it's really hard for me to trust anyone because of that another thing is that people seem like they wanna be friends with me but when it comes to hanging out after school i never get invited. i'm just the lone loser.
plus my low self esteem doesn't really help, i try to move on and look to a better future but it just keeps getting harder everyday, especially when you keep getting shot down.
oh i forgot to mention, things have also gotten so bad at a point when i though about suicide so now I'm just doing whatever it takes to get out of this shit hole of a home and looking forward to a better future. hopefully i'll make it
till then i just hate my life.