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I hate my life.

Posted by septembergirl at June 14, 2011
Tags: Anxiety  Attitude  Childhood  Health  2011 June

I didn't have a very difficult life but I lived a very sheltered and lonely life. My mom and dad fought very much when I was little and still do, I didn't have the greatest family relationships and that caused a great rift, I'm not going into detail with that. When I was younger I didn't go out very much I had very little friends I rarely hung out with people so I was always left alone in my room. My parents were and still are very strict so they didn't allow me to do many things such as go to parties very much, go trick-or-treating, go on sleep overs, and many other things kids usually did. I didn't have many friends so I had to entertain myself by talking to my stuffed animals and essentially talking to myself. I was born with a speech delay so I didn't learn to speak properly until I was around 6 or 7 and still struggled to speak. Kids made fun of me and took advantage of me. I remember one day when I was at the park with my cousin a kid kept on calling me a retard and it really hurt me because I was so young. I was so naïve and dumb and so lonely that it caused me to become very sad a lot. Everyone would ask me why I was so sad all the time and I never told them why because I was too embarrassed to tell them. I had very low self-worth and basically no confidence in myself. I started becoming increasingly afraid and sad because I wanted to live a long life. In high school I suffered the first year because I didn't like my high school and it was hard for me to make some friends. But as the years went on I made some friends. I befriended and got close to the wrong person in high school which caused me a lot of anxiety. I was nervous and depressed throughout my junior year. Everything looked bleak but I never told anyone. When high school ended my downward spiral in depression and anxiety really pushed me too my limit. I was constantly afraid for my health, I was tired and scared and thought I was dying. This turned into acid reflux, and this whole ordeal lasted till this day so for about a year. I'm still suffering with hypochondria and I have yet to see a therapist so that I could get better. My mind has caused me so much pain and hopelessness I feel like giving up sometimes (not dying) but just sleeping and staying in my dreams so I don't have to deal with my real life as much. But I have to admit that music has really helped throughout it. I've been playing piano for 14 years I hope to become a recording artist that's one thing that keeps me going. I basically have no hope for the future and that's why my life sucks.


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Comments:
By me suba at 25,Oct,19 23:36

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By suba suba at 07,Nov,19 04:54

PEn22O Motyvacija kaip tvai galt padti savo vaikams Gimtasis odis


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