First of all, I would like to apologize before hand for my english, since it's not my native language.
My life might not be as bad as many of the stories posted here. Yet, I consider myself as a very unhappy person. Ever since I was a child, I´ve been criticized my many people around me, like my family or the rest of the people. I was bullied for most of my years as a scholar, since I was a child until university. My parents have never expected much from me and it's obvious for me that they've never really believed in me. Now I'm 25, and although and don't care so much about my parents opinion anymore, I do admit that sometimes it still hurts. Like for example, the other day mom told me that she thinks i'll never get married. I'm not an atractive woman, so i've suffered years of loneliness and crappy relationships. It's hard for me to find someone who I love and loves me back. Some guys only want to use me for different reasons and end up harming me without me deserving such crap. I do admit this is my fault, but sometimes I feel so sick and tired of being lonely that I end up with those type of guys. There have also been guys that like me despite my physical appearence, however I don`t feel the same way no matter how much I try and how I'm not the type of women that is entitled to choose the men I want (like atractive women). I have given some guys that like me a chance, but it has never worked and I just end up hurting them. Why I don`t like them? Because most of the guys that like me have differnt opinions about how to afford a life. Most of them have no studies and conform themselves with a lowpayed job and education is not important for them as it is for me. Although my family thinks i'm not a smart person, others think i`m smart (sometimes i even believe that). I'm currently studying a masters degree and working at my university but the job is not well paid and it's just temporal. It annoys me that people who have been really mean to me, like my brother, have great jobs, a love partner, etc, and I have nothing and I still live with my parents. I've never achieved many of my dreams, an I know i must work hard but sometimes I feel so sad that I have no energy to work harder. Something else is that I don't have a lot of friends and I tend to lose them due to my constant depressions and outbursts. I receive physological health, but it is hard to get better when I keep getting crap from people constantly about how ugly I am or how useless I can be. Most of my friends are pretty and when we go our they atract men, which I don't because I'm the ugly friend. What makes me ugly? I have an ugly face in general, non femenine features and my boobs are too small. Plus, I`m shy and although I try not to be, I can't change that, that's just who I am. I don't want to die alone, with a crappy job and unhappy, I can bear living with that idea in my head. My shyness also causes me to loss opportunites at work, specially in when dealing with my boss. I don't know what to do to change. I WANT TO CHANGE, I CAN'T LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE. I don't know how to do it though =(.